Getting a little uncomfortable

OK now the feelings I am having today are a little different. My breast do feel like the way 50 pounds each with mouse traps. My back is killing me. My stomach is pulling down (kinda feels like it is on the incision) I don't feel run down. And there is heartburn/gas. Accept for the run down feeling it is typical AF symptons but turned way up. No spotting (Thank you Lord). I just went to the bathroom and I never noticed before but one of my aerols around my niipple is huge. the other looks normal but the right one is half the size of my hand. Time to look that up. (lol) Not much to see on that.

Time to relax the backache is better since I went to the bathroom and the pulling also has eased. Time to look that up, Nothing again. Just need to wait it out.

Please Lord hear our prayer. I know there are people more deserving. But please show us favor. In Jesus Name, AMEN.

Waiting for progesterone

I took my progesterone blood test this morning. This was the day I knew last time it did not work. The level was only 7.8 and I usually get over 20. It is going to take 2:00pm for ever to get here. Still having mild cramping. A little different as I don't remember this pressure feeling almost like a UTI accept no real releif when I do go to the bathroom. So not a UTI. Sick of the phantom symptons. I am really ready for this to happen. I feel good. I have faith in favor. Will be back with the count in a little while.

In Jesus Name AMEN!!

18.2 Thank you Jesus. That is still a little less than what I had done the first two times but it is better than average. Now test on Wed. Please hang in there Tiger.

In Jesus Name Amen!

Another Holiday past

Back to work after Christmas holidays. More bills to pay and they just keep comming. My parents hit two deer on Wednesday night which kept us up much later than we planned prior to the iui. Tony had 18 mil with 46% mortility. Better than his usuall but not as good as his last. Just remember it only takes one and they consider anything over 10 million to be good. Other than the irritation on the first day I haven't had time to have symptons and thats good. The first day I just felt "clearer" the second day relieved from the pain the night before (plus some BD that morning). Other than a couple of stabbing pains in my breast not much going on or I am just really use to the phanton signs. I did have a quick jab this morning on my left side uterus. I hope it was implantation but I have felt it before. On thing I have had are dreams that are out of this world. The night after the iui Godzilla invaded Washington DC and I left the dogs in the car. Last night I was watching someones baby (not mine) but I was so scaired I was going to drop her or something and then Victoria came and bit her head off and called her a crabcake. I woke up so upset.

I do feel a little crampy.

I am redefininig my eating plan and exercise plan. I am not sure if I want to join planet fitness or who but I will start putting that in place.

I am trying not to obsses but it is really hard. I don't want to because there are so many other things to worry about after this hurdle.

P at work asked me what the doctors are doing. Shouldn't they change my medicines. I told her the medicines are working I am responding fine. I really wanted to say I don't want to talk about this . She just wants to know out of concern because she is about to start in another week or so. I just hope my pregnancy is confirmed and going along well by the time she starts.

In Jesus name Amen.

24 hours from trigger to iui

Went in today for Us and bl/w. The two cyst on the left are gone, but the follies are still really small at 16, 14 and 13 on the right. Now the Nurse calls and says that the RE wants me to continue my dosage tonight and Tuesday and to come in on Wednesday for us and bl/w. Bring my trigger with me as the nurse will trigger me and we will do the iui on Thursday. WOW now that is a different protacol but one that makes perfect sense to me. I have been saying that I thought I must be ovulating early because I always get AF the moment the trigger wears off. This procedure will have me ovulating within 24hrs of the IUI. I feel very positive about this. Yeah Dr. Butler.

The Pastor laid hands on me and DH on Sunday. He talked about not allowing depression to be apart of the holiday. Depression is a choice and I choose not to participate. I also choose to have this cycle work. In Jesus name AMEN.

OK I admit it

I am jeolous as all get out that Mariah Carey is not only pregnant but with twins. The worst part is she claims that it is totally natural except for taking progesterone and doing acupunture. BULL C__P!!! Her doctor was probably giving her clomid and telling her it was a vitamin. WHY IS THIS NOT ME!!! She still has three - four months to go and what a long wait this will be for me.

Finally off the Boat

The motion sickness finally ended on Monday night. Tuesday night I did begin to get some sleep. I really want to rest this weekend so I can be ready for the IUI next week. I pray this is the one. Looking forward to the US on Friday morning. Not much else going on. Few twinges on the left but not a lot. I am still talking to the follies to grow. I want five to come together again. Come on babies grow for mommy. Let's see some 15's and 16's Friday morning.

In Jesus Name. Amen.

Back on the boat

Apparently the Gonal F is making me have a lot of motion sickness. I had my shot last night with the 200 (225) and I feel like I am back on that boat all night long. I have not had a good night sleep since thursday. Maybe I should just check into a hotel for one night and try to sleep. I am so tired.

I did come to some peace (thank you Lord). There are so many things to worry about with the different test and bench marks once you become pregnant that I am no longer going to stress about the last cycle. I put my faith in God and he will deliver. He knows what I can and can not handle. I may get myself a good book to read.

In Jesus Name - Amen

Starting over cd4

Today - Shoot the last four days - have been a mess. I went on a dinner cruise on Thursday night with the spotting. As soon as the boat started up I got sick. Then I was sick for the next three hours of the cruise. Everyone else was on the Potamac I was on the Titanic. DH' attitude was horrible. So we had a huge fight. Then I had to deal with realizing this cycle definitely was a failure. I probably have cried non-stop since. Friday morning AF was full steam and I couldn't get out the bathroom because of the tears. Then the RE didn't want me to come in until Monday. I was sure he was ready to drop me. Or say you can only do IVF - which we can't afford. They did find two small cyst but have decided to go on anyway. Shots tonight 200 mg. Here we go again.

DAY 10 Part 2

The spotting started. I will probably be at full flow on Friday. I guess we just do it again.

Did I miss my time? What did I do that is stopping this from happening? I need something to blame and the only thing I have is me. I am in no place to cry.

OK - That is really weird. I just called my nurse to mention that I had started spotting (Thursday) and would be full flow on Friday. Usually they have you come in on day 2 and right now I am scheduled for Monday. She has me speak to the Dr. who tells me he wants me to see if it is just spotting or if it turns into a full flow. He doesn't think it will? WTHeck. Did my test show something. OK I will wait it out.

Please Jesus let the spotting stop and let me be pregnant. In Jesus name AMEN!!

Day 10

I put off typing until later this morning in case I had something else to say, but it is Day 10 and I am still in good shape. No spotting or even feeling bad. I am a nervous wreck. I need something else to put my mind on. I have tried talking to other people in the office about office stuff and it seems to be working but then I look at the clock and I sometimes feel like it went backwards.

I have to confess the weirdest thing in the world that I have ever done. I don't have any HPT in the house. I happen to notice one that was in the trash (yuck should have been emptied a while ago. It was a negative of course. In my mathmatical mind I came to the conclusion that if it was negative and I was positive now I could change it. I peed on it again. Then rip it apart and low and behold after a while there is the slightest line. After consulting with Dr. Google I know that this is dumbest idea I have acted on since I replaces oil with chocalate syrup in the brownie mix. YUCK on that one also.

Back to no spotting. I have not made it day 10 with no spotting before. Still got more than half the day to go through. Still feeling some cramp pulling mostly when I stand. I actually feel good overall. Very nervous and excited. Now if I can just stop wanting to pee every hour.

Jesus, Thank you for this day. Thank you the blessing of peace and faith. Thank you for the cost of living bonus that will be in my check on Friday. Thank you for the blessing to come. Please Jesus bless us with this baby. In your honor and Name Jesus I pray. Amen.

48 hours of maddness

As bad as the two week wait is the last 48 hours of it are the worse. My stomache has been in a nervous knot since Kim called Monday and said my progesterone was only 7.8. I have never tested that low. Of course I have Googled so much information that let's me know that RE usually put you suppositories to make the numbers go up but not my RE. All I get is - Don't worry about it. Kim said that if Dr. Butler is not worried, and I shouldn't be worried. Well why isnt he worried. Does he know that there is no hope. Kim said that maybe my body is naturally taking over and pusing the medicine out and doing what it is suppose to. I hope she is right and not just getting me off the phone. I know she and Lorna really want this for me as much as I do. They are really great. It must be tough for Kim to be pregnant in an office where so many women are trying and being disappointed from week to week. I will have to find something nice for her for Christmas.

I feel a lot of chills today/last night. Then again it is only 27 outside.

Please God, please bless us with a baby. Help me get through the next 48 hours with no signs of AF. Calm my stomach down. Thank you for letting me sleep last night. Thank you the peace I feel each time I have gone to the bathroom and found nothing. Bless us lord. In Jesus name. AMEN.

Day 7 post iui

Not sure what to think or feel. Just got the call from the nurse that my progesterone level was only 7.8. It is day 7. The last two times my progesterone level was off the charts ( 28 and 32 on day 5). Kim says that Dr. Butler said not to be concerned. That the levels can change from minute to minute. She also said to remember that my body had those higher levels when it wasn't pregnant. Maybe my body is taking control of something else.

Oh man I just got dizzy. I mean fainting dizzy. It lasted only long enough for my hands to catch my head.

I go in next monday. I know my body and the trigger will wear off on day 10 which is Wed.

Gotta keep my head up. In Jesus Name. Amen.

4 days past iui

Visiting the parents this weekend as DH has a second interview. Hopefully he gets this job. He wants to move closer to my parents and mainly out of the city and to a somewhat smaller city to raise a family. I really want to go also I am only afraid about insurance. Through my company iui is fully covered. NO IVF though. Apparently this is alot compared to some companies.

Actually I hope we won't need another iui. I took a HPT yesterday just so I can see the false positive and I did. I know the trigger is what made the line appear. I just wanted to see it.

Other than alot of heartburn no real symptons, which is good to me. I had symptons on all the BFN. Implantation period begins tommorow. I look forward to it.

In Jesus Name Amen.

Back to work today

Wow what an exciting week we have had. Jesus is really at work. On Wed we had 5 follies growing nice and steady - 4 @ 14 1 @13. That is a potential of 5 eggs. Probably because of the holiday but I was told to just stay on 200 mg of Gonal f and trigger on Saturday. At first that excited me because each time I have had two extra follies show up at the last minute. That would make 7 and most places cancel you if you have that many but I think I need every chance I can get. Then yesterday DH produced 75 mil after wash with 83% motility. That is huge. Even for the average guy that is huge. DH produce 1 mil back in April when we started this. Now I am scaired. Where I wanted more eggs for a better chance at one we really are now in a great position for almost 5. Let's see what happens.

Yesterday was crazy cramps also. Today is great. In fact it is really great. I feel almost plugged up. Like my body is keeping something in. I pray this is not my imagination again. In Jesus name AMEN

Now that's what I am talking about

Just got back from the US and I am so excited. We got 3 on the right all size 14 and two on the left one 14 and one 13. This is so great. They are of good size for day 9 and should grow well for the next two or three days. I will still keep talking to them every day and of course prayer will always be covering them. What was cute is that the two on the left are side by side and Laurna called them twins the way they are pressed together like they were one that split in to two. Tommorow is Thanksgiving and I am truly thankful for what I have and what is to come. Thank you Jesus. Thank you for just loving me and keeping close to you. Please Lord, help us to fertilize and implant and bring Tiger and Tigerett in your honor. In Jesus name AMEN!

Not much to report

Not much to report today. Starting to get excited. I feel positive for this cycle. Looking forward to the US tommorow morning. I am hoping we see at least three in great shape. Grow Follies Grow. In Jesus Name, Amen.

Birthday came and went

Friday was my birthday. It has finnally happened that my birthday was OK. Nothing spectacular but an OK day. Tony took me out to dinner. My birthday comes to close to black friday for presents since I rather have the money and go shopping. Next year I hope I am shopping for Tiger's first christmas. There was a crib on sale (I wasn't looking just saw it) and they gave you a changing table for free. I really wanted to get it what a great sale.

Went for bloodwork this morning and I go back on Wed morning for US. Grow follies Grow. My spirits are so much better this cycle I am sure we will get better responders. I have a horrible rash on my chest. Just dry skin so I am increasing my water intake. Also changing soaps. I am sure we will get some good news on Wed. In Jesus name Amen.

Pre week of Thanksgiving

Tony had a great interview yesterday and I am so happy for him. He really feels like this was it.
I started taking the 200 gonal F again. Not much to report. I am visualizing the follicles growing and I want 4. I feel my stiches stretching today. I hope not growing because of fat. We have our work Thanksgiving today. I know the Mac n Cheese and the desserts will call my name and I will answer.

I want Tiger and Tigerett. Thank you Lord. In Jesus name Amen.

Day 2 #4

I went in this morning for Ultra Sound and Blood work. Lorena did it this time and she said that she saw both ovaries and no cyst and lots of little dots ready to begin growing. I do feel more positive about this cycle. I feel like I understand what my body is telling me at different points and I have a mental sense to make things work correctly. I am visuallizing the follicles growing. Going for five again this time.

Tony is interviewing right this second at NCCU. This one I think will work. He sounds perfect for the job and it would also be a challenge and a change for him.

Start making our plans to get out of here and bringing Tiger and Tiggerett with us. YES I am saying it out loud and claiming it. In Jesus Name, AMEN!

Starting over again

On Sunday the Pastor spoke about following the instructions. How God has a plan for us but we must follow the i nstructions. He gave the reference of how a plane has a beacon on its nose that is in a dotted line at all times to the destination point but the tail end of the plane shows the solid path that was actually taken. Many times the plane may have to divert from a storm or another planes path but the beacon is still focused on the destination. I felt like that was a message to me that it may take time and a path not expected but that I must stay on the path and follow instructions.

Today is CD1. Tony guessed I was spotting so I didn't lie. He can also see my saddness no matter how much I try. I reallly have tried to keep him away from it as he has to leave me for the interview. I cried this morning and I just hid and let it out.

I ordered more med this morning and will go in for the BL/US. This time I know there will be more follicle growth. I am ready. Come on Tiger, Mommy and Daddy are ready. In Jesus name. Amen.

Day 10 not looking good

I am not holding out much hope anymore for this cycle. I started spotting this morning and I am sure AF will be here in the morning. I don't want Tony to know and be worried before his interview on Wed so I will deal with this on my own. I know I will handle this. I just think my eyes will tell the story. I know my heart is breaking . . . again. I guess I will order the meds on Tuesday.

Day 8 past iui

Well eight days past iui and so far so good. Still not time to get excited need next week to get here. I have heartburn off and on all day real bad right now. Had some bad naseua to day. Trying to stay calm. Very sleep also. Frankly I just really want to sleep.

Day 7

OK the obession is starting now. I have been having cramps all morning that started with one really strong made you stop your sentence cramp but now are just could take a tylenol (that I don't have) but I wont cramps. Is it the jeans I have on or the famous IMPLANTATION cramps that could happen between day 6-12. I really do have more information about this stuff than a doctor at the point. The really exciting part is this. (and I even went to the bathroom to check again)by my clock I should begin to have some signs of AF. I am usually a 24 day and today is day 24. I also start first thing in the morning like clock work and it is 1:07pm. Trying not to get to excited because they did stem me for a little longer than usuall and the Lorna said that my cycle was controlled by them. Going in for testing on Wed. If I still don't spot before Tuesday I may explode from excitement. Please God be with me in Jesus name. Amen.

Progesterone results

Just got the call that my progesterone results are at 27.9 and the RE wants anything over 11. So I should be happy right? Wrong, last cycle it was 33.7 and I still didn't get pregnant so even this somewhat positive sign doesn't make me happy. I am thankful Don't get me wrong but I am having so many cramps that make me think AF is comming and soon. I go in for testing on next Wed I have yet to make it to testing. AF comes the day before the test like the devil making sure I lose hope. Get thee behind me satin. I rebuke you. In Jesus Name. AMEN.

post iui day 5

Today I had a leg cramp to end all leg cramps. The cramp was so bad I could not speak only make noises and luckily Tony was awake enough to try to help. Help. humph. Why is this man asking me questions when it is so obvious I am in a lot of pain. Then he had the nerve to start touching me and asking is it here? I told myself that as soon as this cramp is over I will kill him, lol!!! My technique to relieve a cramp is to count backwards from 10 over and over. When you concentrate on the counting you manage to relax the muscle. I had to count two or three times. It is now 6 hours later and I still feel the cramp a little in my leg.

Anyway, I went for the progesterone test today. I usually do pretty well with this one. I hope this shows something.

Still don't have high hopes for this cycle. I am just so down and frankly I feel like I have to pump up the world. Work is somewhat busy that helps during this wait.

That's all for now.

three days post IUI

On this trip again. I haven't told anyone. I have even told some that we awaiting to start again soon just to get them off the what is happening now road. I got a feeling I may not even mention that I am pregnant until the baby is almost here. I don't feel different at all this time. Not any real cramps boobs only a little sore. I not even obsessing ever minute, only every other minute. We stemmed for so long this time and although DH count was up his mortility was down not to mention I only produced two follicles ( a third didn't look like it would make it).

This would truly be the it only takes one cycle. Dr. B seemed very upbeat. Even more than when I had the five cycle. Maybe he knows something. (PLEASE GOD let this be the one)

What a great birthday present!!!

Lunch us at 9:00 am

Everyday I bring my lunch and everyday it is gone by 9:00 am. Now I don't leave work until 4:30 - 5:00 pm so of course I am starving. Yes I eat breakfast doesn't help. It is almost like the food is calling my name.

At least I am not still consumed with this cycle. I will add that this morning there was a lot of activity on both sides. Ususally it is one side or the other not both. I hope that is a good sign that we can get 5 follicles again. I have also been real good about keeping this close to my chest. The few people who I told last time I have told them that we are only running test. Troy probably knows because he has been through it but he doesn't ask for detail and that is good.

It is also amazing the sleep I am getting. I sleep through the night and I haven't done that in a long while. I ususally get up around 2 to use the bathroom but now I sleep untill about 4:30 which is when I begin to wake up to get the dogs out by 5 or so anyway. Maybe my body is still healing.

Maybe a little excitement

Ok - So today I woke up and it is not so bad. The sadness is a little less and joy is trying to come. I do have to realize that this was the first IUI since the operation. I have to open myself up to a little time. Also I have to find other things to do. I am going to concentrate on my Christmas village. I must mention that the shots must be doing something as my left ovary has had alot of movement and the right only a little twinge. Next US/Bloodwork is Thursday.

CD 6 - Shots and more shots

Today is CD 6. I can't get excited about this cycle. My mind won't allow me to get happy. I have a horrific headache. Still waking up very sad. It has got to get better.

CD 3 More tears

I hate to sound so unhappy but that is where I am today. Frankly, after the last two days of realizing that I am not pregnant I have cried so much I didn't think there were any tears left but there were plenty. I cried yesterday in the Doctors office when Dr. Sacks congratulated one woman. I don't know her story for all I know she just completed IUI 6. The worst part is how my emotions affect Tony. I don't want to hurt him or make him want to go away but he doesn't like seeing me feel bad. I feel caught in a trap. I need to express how I feel but I don't want to make him feel bad. This morning, I just got exhausted. I walked the dogs, made his lunch, made his breakfast, made sure the food and water for the dogs was done, woke Tony up so I can make the bed. One of the dogs peed on the carpet and Tony told me about it. I wanted to cry, why couldn't he just clean it up. I cleaned it up. I forgot I also gave Simba a bath ( he smelled so bad). Then I had to clean the bathroom it was a mess. Now I have to get my self together. I left a bag of trash and after I got dress realized that Dryfeus tore open the trash. Tony walked right passed it, my heart really sank, and then I heard rustling downstairs and Tony came upstairs with a new trash bag. Now I really felt like the most ungrateful person ever. He is so good.

I did start the Gonal F 200mg last night. Here we go again. Please God help us.

So Sad

Who do I go to argue that this can't be happening? I feel like I am being punished. Don't even try to tell me of someone in worst shape, there is always someone suffering more than another. I just want my baby. Just one. I have never wanted anything more than my husband and my baby. It took forever to find my husband and yes I had over given up and accepted that it wasn't going to happen. At least I also felt that I really hadn't met anyone I knew would treat me the way I wanted to be treated. Then I met Tony. He was so different. He put me first. He wanted to do for our family. Immediately I knew he was my husband and the father I wanted for my baby. Other guys gave me the "well at least my baby will be cute" but I never looked at anyone (in my adult life) and knew this was my family and baby's daddy. Ok so maybe it has been that long since we have been trying but shoot it wasn't suppose to be this hard.

At this point we have gone through working with one doctor (waste of time and I knew it) iui. Then a break as we switched doctors. Next iui which revealed that the fibroids where in the way. Remove the fibroids. 4 weeks out of work. 2 weeks of real pain. IUI number 3. All the signs were fabulous. I responded with 5 eggs. FIVE. Do you have any idea how much pain is involved in producing FIVE EGGS. Tony did great and we had a 20 mil count- from the man who produced only 1 mill at our first appointment. Progesterone was through the roof at 33.7.
Nausea, Acne, Rash, dizzy feeling I had it all and I loved it. Then it is all over. I don' t even get to test and I now I have to start over again.

Tony saids "Thank you Jesus" we will make it through. I want this for him as much as I want it for me and I never thought that would happen. I always thought of my baby as mine but I want our baby for us. I want to take the picture. I want to go to church with our baby. I want to tell him to find a younger woman to have a baby with but I don't trust anyone to take care of him the way I know I can. I want my baby to know my mom and dad. He already will have missed his paternal family.

OK - I know he is comming. In God's time not mine. I still believe that it took all these years of failed relationships for me to learn to love and appreciate a good man like Tony. Well each cycle is equal 10 years of life. This baby will be so loved and his life raised with God first, Family, and Education.

Did I also mention that I have had to go through 4 people in my circle (2 work 2 family) having babies. I can't tell you the last time someone I know had a baby and now when I want one their popping out of the woodwork. Put on your happy face Stephanie !!

Fed ex vs ME!!!!

Only me. My fertility drugs were to be delivered today on a Saturday aka Sabbath for the Seventh Day Adventist church I have been going to. Fed Ex and I are not the best of friends. Fed Ex has on a couple occasions skipped my home and designated my neighborhood as unsafe. Normally I have them come to my job. No problems there but it is the weekend and this is the only option.

I cancelled everything for today. I had an ultra sound this morning at 7:30 am (seven follies and growing) missed Weight Watchers and church for Fed EX. The online pharmacy sends a tracking number and you get to see exactly where you are in the process. At 9:30am my package was en route. I even put a sign on the door saying ring the door bell. At 11:15 am the tracking number says delivery attempted made customer not at home. WHAT!!!! I tried not to panic and I called the pharmacy terrified that the address change had not happened. They tell me they will contact Fed Ex and I may have to go to pick it up. I don't care , I don't want to miss this cycle over a missed delivery. Now I am suppose to wait for a call back. What if they can't get it to me.

Now I am calling Fed Ex. They had the right address, drive said I wasn't home. HE LIED!! I then went on a calling spree of every person who would listen at FED Ex that the driver never came to my house. I refused to let Fed Ex off the phone (and I told them that) until my package was delivered. Eventually I was on the phone with the DC manager Shannon and we stayed on the phone until the driver greeted me.

I shouldn't have had to go to this level but I got my package.

CD 1

It always happens. Wear a white outfit an AF comes with a furry. I am not even due untill next week if you count from when I started after the Prometrium but if you count prior to the prometrium it is right on time. The good news is I probably will have the iui before my trip to NY which was kind of worring me that we were might close. Now just gotta get those medications in by tommorow night.

Can't wait to go home and get some sleep. Last night people celebrating the "Lakers Win" scarred Dryfeus so he got the privilidge of sleeping with us. This Dog weighs 100lbs. Anyway Dryfeus and Tony went head to head last night snoring. If was like one long snore and I got no sleep at all. I have and US in the morning. Here's hoping for 6 follies on the right.

Insurance

When Tony and I first decided to get married we pretty much knew we would probably need a specialist to have a baby, due to our (mostly mine) ages. Tony being a vet had insurance through the VA only (no help with fertility there) plus he works for a reliogus entity (no help there either). I on the other had was paying top dollars for the top plan of the three offered by the company, only to discover that the bottom two are the only ones that include any fertility. Can't change the plan until October (seven months away!!!) unless you get married and add your spouse. Adding Tony and going to the lower plan actually still cost less than the plan I was on and now we had some fertility benefits.

The "McDonalds" Fertility we were at first really had their stuff together when it was time to get paid. This second one doesn't. I still love my Doc but his support staff has much to be desired.

My insurance company says I must have a preapproval by a certain company and order my meds from a certain pharmacy. The RE nurse keeps calling somebody else and they call me wanting $3164.25!!! I then call the RE and tell her the proceedure for which she gives me major attitude "we have done this before". Then I get another call for $3164.25.

Now today I have to see her to teach me how to give myself the Gonal F shot with the pen. This is going to be fun.

Still waiting to start

Time sure does not fly. I know it may be the end of June before we can get started. Trying to find other things to keep my mind busy. Not finding much.

My head hurts and I am really sleepy. Looking forward to the weekend and it is only tuesday.

What else can I do?

Getting Started

Hello world. My hubby thinks it will be good for me to write my feelings down. I think it will be fun to put my mind at ease.

To introduce myself, I am Stephanie. I am 41 and a half years old. When you are trying to have a baby the doctors begin to add each month to your age again. That is my mission now, trying to bring Tiger into this world. That is our play name for our baby "Tiger" :)

OK back to this journey. It has taken me 40 years to meet "the one" and I so much praise Jesus for him. After a 11 month courtship we had the wedding that WE TV is made of. Then we thought let's try to have a baby quick. I spoke with my cuz (who is a OBY/GYN) and she told me to go straight to the Specialist. I did and what a journey it has been.

We did try naturally for a little as we went through the test but no luck so far. We started with the people who advertise on the radio. It was like a spa in there. Very nice, but everything according to the book. It didn't work and I didn't feel like they were trying. Now we are on to another RE.

What makes me different than the other bloggers - I am black. I haven't been able to find another black person to admit this issue. As a culture we think having a baby is only a thought well it is not.

Now I am going to have Tiger but it may just take a moment.