A little closer to a diagnosis

J went to the Doctor yesterday who did agree he is ADHD and she gave the prescription for the med. Now we have to get a judge to say we can give it to him. We know the birth mom won't allow it. For once I really feel like the counseling session was helpful. She was more clear in expressing that the kids although not tramatized in their former homes still carry some baggage from home to home and must be retrained to erase each homes influence. I get it. We can't expect that the last three years of non training will be erased in two months. Still would really like to have a baby. I want to be pregnant. I want to go through Labor. I want to hold my healthy happy baby. I want to look into eyes and see features that really are mine and DH. I still would love my sons but I just want one more.

Getting back on track

It has been a while since I have written. Been really busy. Too busy. The boys are more than a handful. We knew one child was special needs but really too are. O is on ADH medicine and some mornings I want to push it down his throat. His personality is horrible. I really don't like this child. He wakes up in the morning defiant that he is not going to listen to anything I say. He doesn't want to put on his uniform, shoes or anything. He wants to watch TV and back talk everything I say. His behavior makes Joseph look normal. Several times this weekend I was fully prepared to say OK take them all back. Bj truly saves them all from being dropped off at police station and then there are some days I want to put him in the front seat. And yet I still want to have a baby.