Getting a little uncomfortable

OK now the feelings I am having today are a little different. My breast do feel like the way 50 pounds each with mouse traps. My back is killing me. My stomach is pulling down (kinda feels like it is on the incision) I don't feel run down. And there is heartburn/gas. Accept for the run down feeling it is typical AF symptons but turned way up. No spotting (Thank you Lord). I just went to the bathroom and I never noticed before but one of my aerols around my niipple is huge. the other looks normal but the right one is half the size of my hand. Time to look that up. (lol) Not much to see on that.

Time to relax the backache is better since I went to the bathroom and the pulling also has eased. Time to look that up, Nothing again. Just need to wait it out.

Please Lord hear our prayer. I know there are people more deserving. But please show us favor. In Jesus Name, AMEN.

Waiting for progesterone

I took my progesterone blood test this morning. This was the day I knew last time it did not work. The level was only 7.8 and I usually get over 20. It is going to take 2:00pm for ever to get here. Still having mild cramping. A little different as I don't remember this pressure feeling almost like a UTI accept no real releif when I do go to the bathroom. So not a UTI. Sick of the phantom symptons. I am really ready for this to happen. I feel good. I have faith in favor. Will be back with the count in a little while.

In Jesus Name AMEN!!

18.2 Thank you Jesus. That is still a little less than what I had done the first two times but it is better than average. Now test on Wed. Please hang in there Tiger.

In Jesus Name Amen!

Another Holiday past

Back to work after Christmas holidays. More bills to pay and they just keep comming. My parents hit two deer on Wednesday night which kept us up much later than we planned prior to the iui. Tony had 18 mil with 46% mortility. Better than his usuall but not as good as his last. Just remember it only takes one and they consider anything over 10 million to be good. Other than the irritation on the first day I haven't had time to have symptons and thats good. The first day I just felt "clearer" the second day relieved from the pain the night before (plus some BD that morning). Other than a couple of stabbing pains in my breast not much going on or I am just really use to the phanton signs. I did have a quick jab this morning on my left side uterus. I hope it was implantation but I have felt it before. On thing I have had are dreams that are out of this world. The night after the iui Godzilla invaded Washington DC and I left the dogs in the car. Last night I was watching someones baby (not mine) but I was so scaired I was going to drop her or something and then Victoria came and bit her head off and called her a crabcake. I woke up so upset.

I do feel a little crampy.

I am redefininig my eating plan and exercise plan. I am not sure if I want to join planet fitness or who but I will start putting that in place.

I am trying not to obsses but it is really hard. I don't want to because there are so many other things to worry about after this hurdle.

P at work asked me what the doctors are doing. Shouldn't they change my medicines. I told her the medicines are working I am responding fine. I really wanted to say I don't want to talk about this . She just wants to know out of concern because she is about to start in another week or so. I just hope my pregnancy is confirmed and going along well by the time she starts.

In Jesus name Amen.

24 hours from trigger to iui

Went in today for Us and bl/w. The two cyst on the left are gone, but the follies are still really small at 16, 14 and 13 on the right. Now the Nurse calls and says that the RE wants me to continue my dosage tonight and Tuesday and to come in on Wednesday for us and bl/w. Bring my trigger with me as the nurse will trigger me and we will do the iui on Thursday. WOW now that is a different protacol but one that makes perfect sense to me. I have been saying that I thought I must be ovulating early because I always get AF the moment the trigger wears off. This procedure will have me ovulating within 24hrs of the IUI. I feel very positive about this. Yeah Dr. Butler.

The Pastor laid hands on me and DH on Sunday. He talked about not allowing depression to be apart of the holiday. Depression is a choice and I choose not to participate. I also choose to have this cycle work. In Jesus name AMEN.

OK I admit it

I am jeolous as all get out that Mariah Carey is not only pregnant but with twins. The worst part is she claims that it is totally natural except for taking progesterone and doing acupunture. BULL C__P!!! Her doctor was probably giving her clomid and telling her it was a vitamin. WHY IS THIS NOT ME!!! She still has three - four months to go and what a long wait this will be for me.

Finally off the Boat

The motion sickness finally ended on Monday night. Tuesday night I did begin to get some sleep. I really want to rest this weekend so I can be ready for the IUI next week. I pray this is the one. Looking forward to the US on Friday morning. Not much else going on. Few twinges on the left but not a lot. I am still talking to the follies to grow. I want five to come together again. Come on babies grow for mommy. Let's see some 15's and 16's Friday morning.

In Jesus Name. Amen.

Back on the boat

Apparently the Gonal F is making me have a lot of motion sickness. I had my shot last night with the 200 (225) and I feel like I am back on that boat all night long. I have not had a good night sleep since thursday. Maybe I should just check into a hotel for one night and try to sleep. I am so tired.

I did come to some peace (thank you Lord). There are so many things to worry about with the different test and bench marks once you become pregnant that I am no longer going to stress about the last cycle. I put my faith in God and he will deliver. He knows what I can and can not handle. I may get myself a good book to read.

In Jesus Name - Amen

Starting over cd4

Today - Shoot the last four days - have been a mess. I went on a dinner cruise on Thursday night with the spotting. As soon as the boat started up I got sick. Then I was sick for the next three hours of the cruise. Everyone else was on the Potamac I was on the Titanic. DH' attitude was horrible. So we had a huge fight. Then I had to deal with realizing this cycle definitely was a failure. I probably have cried non-stop since. Friday morning AF was full steam and I couldn't get out the bathroom because of the tears. Then the RE didn't want me to come in until Monday. I was sure he was ready to drop me. Or say you can only do IVF - which we can't afford. They did find two small cyst but have decided to go on anyway. Shots tonight 200 mg. Here we go again.

DAY 10 Part 2

The spotting started. I will probably be at full flow on Friday. I guess we just do it again.

Did I miss my time? What did I do that is stopping this from happening? I need something to blame and the only thing I have is me. I am in no place to cry.

OK - That is really weird. I just called my nurse to mention that I had started spotting (Thursday) and would be full flow on Friday. Usually they have you come in on day 2 and right now I am scheduled for Monday. She has me speak to the Dr. who tells me he wants me to see if it is just spotting or if it turns into a full flow. He doesn't think it will? WTHeck. Did my test show something. OK I will wait it out.

Please Jesus let the spotting stop and let me be pregnant. In Jesus name AMEN!!

Day 10

I put off typing until later this morning in case I had something else to say, but it is Day 10 and I am still in good shape. No spotting or even feeling bad. I am a nervous wreck. I need something else to put my mind on. I have tried talking to other people in the office about office stuff and it seems to be working but then I look at the clock and I sometimes feel like it went backwards.

I have to confess the weirdest thing in the world that I have ever done. I don't have any HPT in the house. I happen to notice one that was in the trash (yuck should have been emptied a while ago. It was a negative of course. In my mathmatical mind I came to the conclusion that if it was negative and I was positive now I could change it. I peed on it again. Then rip it apart and low and behold after a while there is the slightest line. After consulting with Dr. Google I know that this is dumbest idea I have acted on since I replaces oil with chocalate syrup in the brownie mix. YUCK on that one also.

Back to no spotting. I have not made it day 10 with no spotting before. Still got more than half the day to go through. Still feeling some cramp pulling mostly when I stand. I actually feel good overall. Very nervous and excited. Now if I can just stop wanting to pee every hour.

Jesus, Thank you for this day. Thank you the blessing of peace and faith. Thank you for the cost of living bonus that will be in my check on Friday. Thank you for the blessing to come. Please Jesus bless us with this baby. In your honor and Name Jesus I pray. Amen.

48 hours of maddness

As bad as the two week wait is the last 48 hours of it are the worse. My stomache has been in a nervous knot since Kim called Monday and said my progesterone was only 7.8. I have never tested that low. Of course I have Googled so much information that let's me know that RE usually put you suppositories to make the numbers go up but not my RE. All I get is - Don't worry about it. Kim said that if Dr. Butler is not worried, and I shouldn't be worried. Well why isnt he worried. Does he know that there is no hope. Kim said that maybe my body is naturally taking over and pusing the medicine out and doing what it is suppose to. I hope she is right and not just getting me off the phone. I know she and Lorna really want this for me as much as I do. They are really great. It must be tough for Kim to be pregnant in an office where so many women are trying and being disappointed from week to week. I will have to find something nice for her for Christmas.

I feel a lot of chills today/last night. Then again it is only 27 outside.

Please God, please bless us with a baby. Help me get through the next 48 hours with no signs of AF. Calm my stomach down. Thank you for letting me sleep last night. Thank you the peace I feel each time I have gone to the bathroom and found nothing. Bless us lord. In Jesus name. AMEN.

Day 7 post iui

Not sure what to think or feel. Just got the call from the nurse that my progesterone level was only 7.8. It is day 7. The last two times my progesterone level was off the charts ( 28 and 32 on day 5). Kim says that Dr. Butler said not to be concerned. That the levels can change from minute to minute. She also said to remember that my body had those higher levels when it wasn't pregnant. Maybe my body is taking control of something else.

Oh man I just got dizzy. I mean fainting dizzy. It lasted only long enough for my hands to catch my head.

I go in next monday. I know my body and the trigger will wear off on day 10 which is Wed.

Gotta keep my head up. In Jesus Name. Amen.

4 days past iui

Visiting the parents this weekend as DH has a second interview. Hopefully he gets this job. He wants to move closer to my parents and mainly out of the city and to a somewhat smaller city to raise a family. I really want to go also I am only afraid about insurance. Through my company iui is fully covered. NO IVF though. Apparently this is alot compared to some companies.

Actually I hope we won't need another iui. I took a HPT yesterday just so I can see the false positive and I did. I know the trigger is what made the line appear. I just wanted to see it.

Other than alot of heartburn no real symptons, which is good to me. I had symptons on all the BFN. Implantation period begins tommorow. I look forward to it.

In Jesus Name Amen.