not much

Not much going on so far. I have a horrible leg cramp and I am sleepy. Dryfeus didn't sleep through the night again. Up at 12:30 then at 3:30 then on the couch and I over slep to 6:15.

We went to see the car last night but it is still not in yet. Planning to hop down to NC this weekend kind of hopping that maybe the first meeting might happen though. We will see.

Having a massive leg cramp right now. Hopping that I can distract away from the pain. I have streteched, walked it out and drank enough water to satisfy a horse. Still hurts. I don't know if this is stress but if the weather is nice I may take a walk and get a banana.

I sent off the Jack and Jill information also remembering to go to the AKA meeting next week at 10 am.

Need to schedule my event in Hampton and get on David's case for A&T.

I wish they would call so I can schedule these out of town events a little easier.

Time off again

I sent thank you notes this morning to everyone for comming to meeting on Friday and a more personal note to the Matching SW that we want to continue on. I got a quick email from our adoption SW supervisor letting me know that the A-SW is out of the office today but will be in contact with us to set up the transition date to occur this week. That is wonderful but really how many days off do these people get?

Our class leader - Off the last two weeks of class
Home study SW - Off the first two weeks of September
Matching SW - Emergency for the two weeks after Thanksgiving
Relicensing SW - On sick leave
R SW supervisor - Death in the family the morning of our meeting (at least she still came)
THEN THE SIX WEEKS OF NOTHING (Longest Christmas Break in History)
Now the A-SW - Off the first day we are officially transfered to her.

OK enough griping - We are at least moved on to the next step and transitioning will be happening soon.

Thank you Jesus.

On the road

First - the meeting

Finally getting to the meeting. 9 of the 15 showed and two on the phone. The majority of the meeting was rehashing what had been said at the prior meeting. We got to meet the adoption worker who will help us through the transition. We have a school meeting on the 7th that we are allowed to go to and there is a court date in Feb and in May. The May date will terminate the parents rights. We got to hear from the Foster sister who is the parent now as the mother is very ill. She seemed very sad that the boys will be leaving but was happy when DH offered to continue our contact with us. Basically we are now waiting until Monday to say we want to move forward and then we will be waiting for the adoption worker to contact us for the transition meeting. At least there is movement.

Second - We bought a new car!!!

We knew that we would be buying a car soon. my car is almost seven years old and we needed at least one car that would be more comfortable for three car seats. Then my mom has been calling all week with her car problems and how they need us to come and drop off a car for them to use for this and that. Two huge things are that my aunt is very sick and my mom wants to see her soon and be able to come see her at the drop of a hat. My dad has court date a couple hundred miles away in Feb and they don't trust their car to make the ride. I can't keep taking off and running to NC all the time. We went just looking at cars and then we were offered a deal on a great car with financing that was outstanding. The best part is that we didn't have to make a trade. Mom gets to keep her old car and my present car goes to her that runs.

The new car is perfect for three car seats without being a mini van. It will be easy for the dog to ride in and I won't be a typical soccer mom.

Let's hope the adoption worker wants to move faster than the others.

Tick . . . .Tock

One more hour before I go home and can (IMO) celebrate that we have actually started to move this train. I am sure that the clock is going backwards (LOL)

I have run off enough possible questions to ask. I know we will not have enough time to ask all of them but at least I look prepared for something.

Again I don't really know what this meeting is for. I know that we have to go through this then she will call on Tuesday and we get to hopefully set up the transition meeting. (Dear GOD let that be an over the phone conversation and soon as next week)

DH has already planned for us to go to the car show after the meeting. It will probably be good to get our minds off the meeting and relax after being on pins and needles for six weeks. So far I am still set on the GMC Acadia. Not a new one but a year or two old.

Still 30 min to go I think I will begin to tip toe out at 15 min. Maybe hit the "head" in 5 min.

Actually I can head down now and waist some time.

Thursday is here and life is changing!!

So many emotions are going on with me today.

1. I am so thankful it is finally thursday. That means the next time I wake up it will be Friday, and we will have our meeting at 1:00 pm. I will probably get there at Noon if I can. I have almost finished the snowman soups, gotta find some mint sticks. Will work on a few more questions to answer. Will probably still get up at the same time. Get Tony off to work try to take a one hour nap to calm my nerves. Get up and be at the hairdresser by 9:00 am. Hopefully out by 10:45 am by the latest. At CFS by Noon.

2. I got a call yesterday that Nee-Nee has had another baby. That makes one in 2008 (passed) September 2010 (Austin) and January 2012 (a boy). My brain did not retain the name as I fed up with this family. She/they did not tell me she was pregnant. Don't come a calling now. I just have to realize that this is a culture of people I don't understand and won't. I also have no intention of allowing my boys to live in this world. I am now more determined that the boys will not be allowed to socialize in certain settings. I hate that because I never felt like I was taught that I was better but I knew what life I didn't want. I realize now that I have to be selective about who the boys are friends with. Not just for safety but to shape their future. If their friends aren't about something neither will they be.

This was just so disappointing that NeeNee turned out this way. She was definitely exposed to the other side of life but she chose the life that was lazy and what she surrounded herself in.

Don't think Freda is much better. Only good thing about her right now is that she at least isn't dragging some poor innocent child (or two) in this mess with her.

Well going to let it go now. I have to find a day camp or two. Probably going to cost about $5K for all three but we will make it work.

I guess that whole teacher job is sounding like a real good thing.

New outlook

Maybe I should look at the day past and not the day ahead. When I realize it is only Wednesday morning I get depressed, when I think tuesday is over I feel a little better.

I actually had a full evening. DH got his V-day present early. I got him the remote control helicopter that he has begged for since Thanksgiving. We have looked for this thing everywhere. I found it on line three weeks ago but it took forever to ship. Turns out that DH found his own version and it got here on Monday as he struggled to tell me about it. Luckily for him it only cost $15. So now he has two. The initial flight took off in our kitchen and landed in the dog water bowl within 5 seconds. All flights will now take off outside.

Tuesday started

It is so sad to be counting down to this meeting. Frankly, it is not my fault or in my control what this process is. Someone should be aware. It is aggonizing. The process is to long. Not that they should speed through finding parents but come on. That six week break was riduculous and I do feel like I am owed a good explanation and an appology.

Ok breath and relax only three more days and then it will be Friday.

Feeling a little sad and hungry at 11:30 am. Should eat but don't want to run out of food before the end of the day.

This is the time I would love to really talk to someone about this process. I want to have someone who is also going through this. Have them ask me questions and me ask them. Someone who understands.

I want to ask about the process. What else do we need to purchase?

2 hour delay and a good nap

For some reason we got a two hour delay to come to work. In fact the exact words were not to get on the road before 9 am offices to open at 11:00 am. It did snow like three days ago and only enough to cover the ground the streets were fine. I guess with refreezing it just slowed us down. I got in a great nap though.

Four days to go. Funny two phone calls today to ask me if anything is new from people I know who I told we have a long wait. Just wait it out it will be here soon enough.

Five days to go

Slowly but surely we are making our way to Friday.


This weekend we did get a few thing accomplished. I got three booster seats on sale for 30- 100 pound kids. That makes five that we have one that I am skeptical about. I also got DH's clothes and I found a sweater I may wear.

I have this horrific rash on my neck I am sure it is just my nerves but it always something isn't it. Finished J-hud's book and although poorly written it made a point here and there about weight loss and health.

Seven days to go

Finally the end of the longest week ever. Come on January 27.

Ok this weekends missions:
- Outfits for me and DH to wear Friday nice but I don't believe we need to be in suits
- Car seat (maybe 2)they are on sale
- Snow man soup
- family scrapbook page

a little under the weather

I guess my cold from November is making another return visit. Not that I really care. I am so sick of being sick that I have decided to just push through no matter what.

Anyway, this has been the longest week ever. It is just not moving at all and we didn't work Monday. Hopefully next week gets here sooner than later. I am going to spend this weekend buying something nice for myself and DH to wear to our interview and something nice to wear for our first visit with the boys.

I am starting to plan for Friday. I am not working that day so I should be able to sleep and get good rest. Go get my hair done in the mourning. I will spend this weekend making the snow man soup packets. Probably put them in a little basket. I think I will also make a small scrap book/page of our house, the dogs and just some things to show the foster mom.

I am freezing in this room. In the last week or two I have been having these horrible muscle cramps by late afternoon. I know I may sit at my desk to long but even if I get up and stretch it doesn't seem to help. They are only in my legs and definitely feel like muscle strain. My muscles just hurt. I have started eating a little bit of mustard to help and it does. I am drinking quite a bit of water so I am not dehydrated.

Muddling through

First - I forgot something huge that happened on Saturday. I woke up to an email from someone who knows we are trying to adopt telling me they know of a baby boy born this week that needs a home ASAP. It just amazing to me that a baby could be just put out there like that. We have our heart committed to our boys so we turned it down.

I woke up this morning with the sadness running all around. The Foster sister sent another email reply all asking when the date of the meeting is. I guess she somehow missed the email about January 27. I am sure the CW will let her know.

I guess it will get better when the boys come home.

two three six car seats

In my effort to stay busy but still focused this weekend was dedicated to learning about car seats. Another issue never discussed in the classes or even written in the homestudy. We have two car seats and one in route. From what I learned we may have it all wrong. We have a convertible seat which is suppose to cover all children up to 40 pounds and we have high back booster seat for the three year old and up and we have a backless booster being delivered. We went to the health fair to learn who can help us make sure they are installed correctly. It turns out that we really need the kids to figure out the best seat. Car seats are mainly based on height and weight not age. We will probably need three car seats which really meant six for each car,since DH and I are splitting car duty for school. The best seat that will work for kids is the nautilis at $139 a seat. Will start buying the first one this pay and then keep it going. When the lady heard our situation with the adoption she sent us to another woman who runs a program that gives away seats and they will out fit one car for us. THank you LORD!!!

We also are riding with the other seats up to feel the closeness of the car as we decide on another car for me.

Still two weeks until the next meeting.

Another two week delay

I guess I should be happy that something is moving even if it seems like it is moving at the pace of molassasses going up hill in the snow with rocks. We finally have a date for the background conference. January 27 six weeks and three days from the call that we were selected to be the parents.

At least she told me the date and I don't have to wait for the email after a call that it is comming. Then two days to let them know if we want to proceed. Then another meeting with the SW, Adoption SW the Foster Mother to set the transitioning schedule. I guess the lady at Weight Watchers was right when she said it would be March before they move in. I guess we won't be switching schools this year.

OK so 16 days from today. I plan to loose a pound (or more each day) why not I don't feel like eating anyway.

She just sent the email while I was typing this well I guess we are moving forward.

Not a good day

As high as I got at the game that is how low I am today. I can't explain it. I feel like such a failure as a woman today. That's all.

Wizards to the rescue

One of my BFF gave DH and me tickets to see the wizard's game last night. Poor DH was having a gout attack so I ended up taking my next door neighbor instead. We had a complete ball. I cracked jokes and laughed all night. Now if the seats had been a little bigger it would have been perfect. I guess I need to work on being a little smaller. It was nice to laugh and not be so frustrated.

Back to another day. One more person did a reply all yesterday and today I sent an email just saying we are open to any date and time.

I hope she gets the hint to just set the date and screw all these choices. They will be there.

Be Happy for Bey

Beyounce had her baby "Blue" on Saturday. There has been more negativity than if she had been driving drunk and killed somebody. It is unbelievable that people just can't be happy for her and need to focus on " she had a surogate, they rented out the whole floor at the hospital, she had a cesarian". Why can't people just be happy she has a baby. This really hurts because not on this scale but I know I too will face some negativity for adopting. Not about my boys but about the fact that I didn't have a natural baby. There will always be someone (and she knows who she is) that will push it in my face that I did not ever give birth. Some people can't be happy if they are not the center of attention. But this is my family and I will not go down with out a fight. Bring it on!!

Middle Ground

I mentioned that the only way I see to deal with this is let the depression take over. There is no middle ground. I can't let out the frustration on the SW I can only jump when and how high they tell me. I feel a little better that SW acknowledged that the people should only responde for times noted and not ask for anything else.

I also hope that the "reply all" people will make the others answer sooner than later. Right now there are two people who have requested the 19 in the morning. I hope that keeps going.

Physically I am having a lot of ovulation pain. I have it each month doesn't mean much. This time it seems to be a little more probably the stress.

Reply All

It is amazing that in 2012 people still don't know that you should not hit reply all. Then again unless it is a group email most large emails go out as blind addresses. Anyway the boys foster mother and sister (who is older than me). They both hit reply all and not only that they both requested times not even offered. It was bad enough that the SW gave five dates with two times each day to choose from. Then they ask something else.

Frankly these are the two people I want to talk.

Other than that I had an ok day. Still a little sad. I worked out doing Zumba and I went to weight watches. Gained 2 pounds but I feel like that is all about to change.

I am exercising to deal with this stress.

Let's go I am bringing my boys home.

First time

First time - I have decided that the only sane way for me to get through this process is to believe that this in my SW first time ever doing an adoption. Frankly this will be the first adoption in the District of Columbia ever!!!!! That is the only way to understand the absolutely ridiculous hoops and request we are getting from them.

Around 2:00 pm (two and half hours before COB at CFSA)I asked DH to contact the social worker (since I called yesterday and emailed her on Tuesday) and just say nicely inquire about the "email" that is so precious that she is sending. Well - she tells him that she is sending it today and that she appreciates how patient we have been through this process. Then at 3:45 she calls me saying she is not sure of DH email address and do I know it. I tell her that it is better to email me and I will share it with him. She agreed. Now doesn't that sound like an email is going out right that second. The email doesn't go out for another hour. Do you know how long and hour is?!??!?!?

Then the email is addressed to 15 other people and it asked them to select from the FIVE dates and TWO time periods available to meet. That is like giving 10 meeting times to 15 people. That is over 150 different possible responses she could get on when to meet. Is she clueless?!?!? You don't let 15 people choose a date we would never meet. Just pick two dates and say YAY or NAY. These people are paid to attend this meeting. BE THERE!!!

I feel so exhausted. Four weeks I have heard Nothing!!! Then after I feel like I have begged and pleaded for something this is what I get!! Not a step forward but a half step. It's like we almost moved.

I am too much of an A type personality for this. The real me wants to go over her and her bosses head and bring all type of fire down on this process. No one should be put through this.

But I will sit and wait and wait. Just wait. When the judge puts down his gavel and my boys are official I am so going off on this system.

Now I just wait as I become the first person to ever adopt in Washington, DC.

Not better yet

Almost half the day gone and no email yet.

I could keep typing my frustration but it is just a repeat. Why don't they just send the email.

Is it really asking alot for them to just send the email.

I am just venting because there is truly nothing I can do.

Loosing it today

I guess I am in hormone overload or something and since I can't yell at the people I really want to yell at here it comes one computer -

The email list the SW put together - Why wasn't it put together back in October when you were doing interviews. Regardless of who the parents were going to be this list was the same people except who the parents were. Why not have a designated day that background conferences are with so many people involved just say we hold these meeting on the first and third thursday. That way all of these people involved can fix their schedules knowing that background conferences all on thursdays.

The "support" group has been cancelled so much I don't know what to say. Except that I feel like Tony and I have been dropped on a deserted island and told that help will be here in two days. And we are just suppose to be thankful when they show up even if it took them three years, which we would be but it is torcher looking and waiting and waiting.

When people would complain at NACA I would agree with them because chances were the delay was not at all my fault. Many times the would complain about the time that I had told them it would take. I think about how real esate agents would call me about settlements for contracts I didn't even have yet. Would yell at me until I made them feel awlful and would say can I ask you how much sense does it make if you are yelling at me that I don't have something instead of speaking those who are suppose to give it to me.

I remember telling one guy in the time you have taken to yell at me about a paper I don't have you could have at least sent me the copy you have. Of course I was being smart and short.

I had a client who refused to fill out the application and I couldn't disclose to the agent that part but I had to creatively tell him that the problem was not us. he was nice. The clients were crazy.

And there is no one on the internet to talk too or hear from about their experience in DC.

I wish I could go to work as a social worker and redesign the process. Or at least train the parents for what to expect.

When is this week going to be over

OK - I know that my anxiety is starting to get out of control but come on it's been almost four weeks. They called on December 13 and told us we were selected and we would receive an email that day. I know then it was Christmas and New Years but Christmas was over a week ago. This process is unreal. Do they realize they are playing with my childrens' lives?

I gave in and called her.

She just came back yesterday from the holidays. Over the holidays she has received green light to proceed (I didn't know we where waiting for another green light).
She just received the paperwork and is scheduling the dates now. She believes she has everyone's email address except for the therapist. Asked if we have any dates in Jauary that we are not available. I asked if we will get visitation information at the next meeting and she said that (2 days later) we would map out the schedule beginning with 1 and 2 hour visits at the office then days and then weekends. That the boys have to live in home for 6 months and but we can file the adoption petition (does that mean we need our own lawyer).

The bad part about this part of the process is that we don't have any idea what the next step is. The class doesn't cover adoption at all only foster care.

This just takes so long and the silence is maddening.

I wonder how many people give up on social services.

I guess now I can keep waiting for the email that has taken 4 weeks to come.

Another day and nothing

Well another day has passed and nothing has been said. At least when you are pregnanat you actually have with you even if you can't hold it.

I am feeling a little blue today about not being pregnant. I really wanted to feel the life being created inside me. I know I will love my boys as much as if they had come from me but I always dreamed of feeling a life growing inside me.

I am trying to feel the time with adjusting my schedule. I want to exercise at least three times a week at the gym taking a class.

I am pretty sure I can get in Saturday - Zumba and Suday something. Then I will try for something during the week depending on the aftercare schedule.

When will they call?!!!

Holidays are over

The last two weeks were the longest I have ever spent. Hearing nothing and nothing to ask. Now at 1:37 pm I sent a nice little don't forget I am here note. I know they are busy but shoot this is way worse than NACA's system. I never made people have to wait two weeks to here from me if they sent in their information. I called even just to say I got the information. Most of the time I agreed that it was taking to long.

This system seems to be more that fact that they have too many other duties because they certainly are that busy just doing adoptions. At least not according to the numbers. You want to say don't start a new adoption untill you finish mine. I didn't put down someone's file until I had done all I could in the file and could report who and what I was waiting for and when I had made the request.

I am just excited. I want my boys home.