Loved it

I loved the whole experience and Dawit was great. His approach and confidence in our ability to have a baby was amazing. I know I need to lose weight, although him telling me that was not new his path of making me understand the implications with my child's conception and ability to survive just changed my attitude. He wants me to take a couple of months and concentrate on my weight and health. During the acupunture I was able to meditate and have a good long talk with myself and my appetite disappeared. I made a decision that no food taste as good as the mission I am on. Then I went home and talked to Tony about this journey I am on and the support I need from him. We even got into a fight about "swimming". He loves to swim and I can not get him to understand the hair implication and work that will need to be done daily if I were to swim. Eventually we made a deal that I will go swimming and he will help me do my hair (I am natural and the Dominicans are a present from God to me). I think after one three hour session of pulling he will get the point.

I plan to walk and I am also interested in taking classes. They are pole and exotic dancing classes. Now when I brought that up Tony was in full support of me doing that. (SMH- typical)
I have now convinced Tony to have an session with Dawitt.

I am so committed to this healthy habit I ate an egg this morning. PROTEIN Breakfast. And I am not complaning (YET).

Siblings

That is what this feeling is like. When I was little and I would ask my mom and dad for siblings they would constantly tell me that with as much as I cost there was no way. It was my fault. When I would do something bad, they would say and you want us to have more or you, no way. It was my fault. I always felt that I did not have siblings because of how much trouble I was. How expensive I was. It was my fault my punishment. OMG I have really carried the fact that I did not have siblings on my shoulder. When I found out where babies come from I thought it was my fault I didn't have siblings because I slept with my parents every night. Now I know that my mom actually had medical issues that would not allow her to have more kids but i always believed overall it was my fault and that I was being punished. I remember eating two hamburgers at McD's to make my stomache poke out so I could have a baby for my mom.

This is the same feeling I have now. That I am being punished and for me there is no greater punishment than being alone. But I have Tony and I am so greatful. He is so good to me and I am so thankful that I have him. Thank you Lord for my wonderful husband.


I am at my desk totally in tears and I don't know how to get out of this building.

Love Yoga

I love my yoga class. I am so relaxed and full of energy this morning. Slept great last night and temps seemed to have adjusted to Daylight savings and keep rising. May be the Yoga but I have very visible veins running through my chest and one that looks like a hook on my breast. I have had this before but don't remember when or why. Of course it is a sign of pregnancy like everything else. The pulling has stopped. The Yoga probably stretched it out. Much better today. It was nice to hear that DH wanted to surprise me and take me to our hotel for anniversary but we just can't afford it or it is not worth the money in my oppion. I hope to come up with something we will both enjoy. Took a few breaks in writing. It looks like spending the day in Baltimore will work out for us.

I hope I can give him the gift I want.

More pulling this morning

I have a lot of pulling going on this morning. Yesterday was naseua city. It just didn't go away. I tried not to let DH know how sick I was feeling going with the I am tired. Frankly I was tired and naseasa ( I know my spelling is way off but who cares). A lot of CM.

Boobs don't seem to hurt. Head does hurt. I want so badly to give this special present to DH for our anniversary. Please Lord allow us this moment.

looking forward to the weekend

1. I enjoyed the baked potato from Wendys
2. Talk with the nurse
3. Sleep at 9:30


I smell everything and the nausea is starting to kick in. I just love the rise in Progesterone. Hunger is on point. But then again I haven't had much to eat this morning.

My poor co-worker spent the whole week out of work dealing with fertility issues. She just did her second IUI and it didn't work. They found a fibroid and it apparently is making her not have a period at all now. She has decided to give up on the baby making for a while. She is 32 so she has a few more years. I feel so sorry for her. Her medical issues are way worse than mine. I am just older and it may take a little more time to get at good egg. I am thankful for my problems because I do know God will work it all out.

Not feeling to bad today. It only gets better.

Relaxing through the day

1.Napoleons face
2. Dogs enjoyment of walk in the rain
3. Good night sleep

- I am sleeping better and better each night since Yoga. I am so happy to lay my head down and close my eyes. Yes I am tired but I have discovered a new enjoyment in being a sleep. It is wonderful. One of the biggest highlights of my night was waking up and finding out it was 12:30 and I still could sleep for HOURS!!

- I am having that pulling feelin in my uterus again today. I pray that is good. Never had it for this long. It could be just a reacation from Yoga I guess but it feels different than a muscle.

- And now peeing is becomming an every hour issue. Not drinking more water actually the same as I have been for years at my desk. Probably the vitamins.

- For some reason I am noticing my brian seems to be a little off. I am forgetting names, what I was thinking, picking up the phone not remembering who I was calling. This morning I tried to open the office door with my remote for my car.

But at the same time I am happy as a Lark full of engery and can't wait to go to sleep. :)


I had to come back and post this. I was feeling a couple of cramps in my ovary area on the right mostly so I thought I would put my feet on the trash can to stretch it out or something. Now I can not stop yawning. I feel like I am going to drop a sleep. (HA HA HA). I took my feet down but yawning is not easing up at all and I am tearing up. What is this?

Just some sleep

I didn't know I was not getting enough sleep. Monday I had been texting to LT how much I want to go away. How tired I was of waking up early with the dogs. Then I went to yoga on Monday night and I was relaxing down. Tuesday got up with the routine and I was dragging hard. Tony suggested I stay home and just get some sleep. For once it sounded like something I needed to do. Also I could feel my uterus pulling from ovulation real tight. Sleeping sounded like medicine to take. I took it and slept so hard that when I woke up I looked forward to going to sleep again that afternoon, and I did. It was wonderful also. Then I got to back to sleep between 9:30 - 10 pm. I feel so much better this morning and I can't wait to go back to sleep.

I felt ovulation on Monday into Tuesday. We have been baby dancing every other day since friday so we should be covered. I still feel a lot activity even today, which is a little different. Funny, always trying to find something different to make this cycle the one. I am still amazed the last one didn't work. I had every sympton and some I didn't know were symptons untill I read about them this week. One of the girls in our yoga group had a chemical last week. As bad as I felt for her loosing the preganancy I was so envious that she at least got to that point. That is terrible of me and I pray the lord to forgive me.

I am in the two week wait again. This time I will try to let life go on. It is hard but I need to look at being able to do something else.

going backwards

I am reading "Taking Charge of your Fertility". I wake up every morning to take my tempature. I am looking to see when it rises. That will tell me I am ovulating? Obviously I still have no idea. Actually it tells me that I have ovulated. Then I also do the opk. No surge yet and I am checking the ovulation calculators online. Overall I know that ovulation should becomming soon. It is not like last time which felt exactly like I was taking the shots. A lot less cramps and feeling. Starting to feel the cm comming along. Boobies a little sore. I pray we can do well this month.

I have a name now come on Baby.

I would guess agonizing about what to name your baby could consume anyone. What to name a baby you seem to be having trouble conceiving really takes over. Before I ever met Tony- oh let's be honest- as long as I have been alive I have planned my wedding. There have been many revisions but I was always ready with want I really wanted. That groom part just took a little longer to find than I thought. Now the Baby seems to be comming in his/her own time. Not long after Tony and I decided to marry and that we really wanted to have a baby we named him. Anthony Armstron-William Brown (the - may or may not stay). He would be called Tiger since Daddy is called Tony. It felt so right so natural. Probably why this journey has been so surprising. If he were a she was little different. We combined the mother names into Roslyn and Marilee. This would go in the middle. The first name I didn't have clear. My favorite is Whitney. Not feeling it. Then Noah. Kinda. My mom wanted Antonia. Which I did not fancy at all. I didn't want her called Tonia. Then today I saw the name on the internet for something and Antonia Marilee Brown just sounds awsome!!! Emphasis on Tone not Tawn. Tigerett we are ready for you!!!

Jesus - I am asking you to bless us with a conception, a healthy pregnancy, delivery and baby to be born. I pray for this favor and I know you will deliver. I rejoyce in the excitement of your gift and thank you Lord. Thank you Lord. In Jesus Name Amen.

Better Today

I went to Yoga yesterday. I feel alot better today. Getting some exercise and just doing something just for me felt good. I am going to try to take some selfish time and move just for me everyday. It was scarry hearing from Hannah next to me that at 38 she has done IVF three times. The first time worked but the baby died during the second trimester. Everyone else is jsut like me still trying. It gets better. I know it gets better.