Siblings

That is what this feeling is like. When I was little and I would ask my mom and dad for siblings they would constantly tell me that with as much as I cost there was no way. It was my fault. When I would do something bad, they would say and you want us to have more or you, no way. It was my fault. I always felt that I did not have siblings because of how much trouble I was. How expensive I was. It was my fault my punishment. OMG I have really carried the fact that I did not have siblings on my shoulder. When I found out where babies come from I thought it was my fault I didn't have siblings because I slept with my parents every night. Now I know that my mom actually had medical issues that would not allow her to have more kids but i always believed overall it was my fault and that I was being punished. I remember eating two hamburgers at McD's to make my stomache poke out so I could have a baby for my mom.

This is the same feeling I have now. That I am being punished and for me there is no greater punishment than being alone. But I have Tony and I am so greatful. He is so good to me and I am so thankful that I have him. Thank you Lord for my wonderful husband.


I am at my desk totally in tears and I don't know how to get out of this building.