I know it has been awhile since I posted. My life is so busy right now I barely make time to go to the bathroom. The kids are getting better slowly but surely. They are actually transitioning to the new schools pretty well. Brian wakes up this morning and asked can he go to the new school today. Tony goes up and down. I have stopped his attitude and comments to get rid of the kids. That had gotten on my last nerve. Now we are just settling in.

A little closer to a diagnosis

J went to the Doctor yesterday who did agree he is ADHD and she gave the prescription for the med. Now we have to get a judge to say we can give it to him. We know the birth mom won't allow it. For once I really feel like the counseling session was helpful. She was more clear in expressing that the kids although not tramatized in their former homes still carry some baggage from home to home and must be retrained to erase each homes influence. I get it. We can't expect that the last three years of non training will be erased in two months. Still would really like to have a baby. I want to be pregnant. I want to go through Labor. I want to hold my healthy happy baby. I want to look into eyes and see features that really are mine and DH. I still would love my sons but I just want one more.

Getting back on track

It has been a while since I have written. Been really busy. Too busy. The boys are more than a handful. We knew one child was special needs but really too are. O is on ADH medicine and some mornings I want to push it down his throat. His personality is horrible. I really don't like this child. He wakes up in the morning defiant that he is not going to listen to anything I say. He doesn't want to put on his uniform, shoes or anything. He wants to watch TV and back talk everything I say. His behavior makes Joseph look normal. Several times this weekend I was fully prepared to say OK take them all back. Bj truly saves them all from being dropped off at police station and then there are some days I want to put him in the front seat. And yet I still want to have a baby.

no birthday for Omar

Yesterday was Omar's birthday. We had only planned for a trip to McDonalds and cake. Then he misbehaved so much that we ended up staying at home. Omar had a dinner of chicken and fish sticks and green beans. The other children got hamburgers (quicker than cooking). The adults had cake late last night. I am so sleepy this morning. DH is also so tired of this constant bad behavior. I know he is going to eventually give up and say I don't want to do this anymore..

Grandma is here

My mom comes to town and the stress takes a vacation. The kids act so much better when she is around. I am ready to invest into turning the basement room into a nice bedroom for her. There has to be a way we can rearrange the the door through the garage to get outside and . . . Frankly I'd rather moved to NC with her. anyway. It is Omar's birthday and he is acting like a little prince. Not that I am complaining. If he hadn't acted up he would have had more. Maybe next year. Headed to McD's tonight for burgers and cake. The kids will get to hang out a little late tonight and play.

The weekend is over THANK YOU GOD!!!! These children are alot of work. Thursday was so bad with Tony taking a class and I had to take the kids to the Omar's doctors appointment. I so did not want to come home on Friday after work. Friday started off bad with Joseph hitting and kicking. Tony went to get a hair cut and seem to take forever to come home. BJ was cutting up bad. He mimicks Joseph and that is not a good thing. Joseph had scratch my throat and hit and kicked me so much on Friday that I was in tears when Tony came home. Tony went down the street were Officer Robinson was taking a break and brought him back. Officer Robinson came in the house and said which one of you is Joseph. Then took him downstairs and talked to him about where they take bad boys and how he would come back to get him if he hit mommy or daddy again. Well guess what the hitting stopped. There are moments when Joseph thinks about it but we remind him and he straigtens up. Now that doesnt mean that Joseph doesn't act up but he doesn't hit. Now Omar on the other hand seems to want to walk on the wild side lately. The kids do so much better when they are separate. BJ did stay dry most of the day. Except for when we were in the car and I just couldn't get him to a bathroom in time. He did pretty good.

CFSA Sucks

On Tuesday we had a visit with the social worker. The kids were playing in and out on the deck. The child 2 eventually started in on daily tantrum. He showed the social worker his full rhem. He hit me kick me threw pillows and the same to DH. The social worker began talking to me about getting #2 services and then she mentioned that we should seriously think about taking up FM on the offer to adopt #2. She told me to call FM to come and get #2 now. To send an email in the morning to make it official that we should be working toward that. I cried all night. and the next day but kept telling myself that I was doing what was best for #2. Social Worker even called the next morning saying my letter was not strong enough. Later I got a call from Social Worker's Supervisor telling me that we had not tried long enough. That we had abandonded #2. It was so confusing that SW never mentioned that she was the one who told me to do this. Through with CFSA will just follow directions. Can't wait for the finaly adoption.

OK - What is going on in my mouth. I wake up every morning swollen. Now I feel something comming out and what I can catch looks greenish. I don't have time for my mouth to act up. I have three little boys. Took BJ to Pre school Orientation and he loved it but we have to get the potty training together for real. Foster MOM is back asking for Joe. It is a lot pressure. If she ask at the right moment HERE will be my answer. Mostly I hurt when she ask. It's like she is saying I can't handle my own child. I only want what is best for him and many times I doubt that the answer is me.

Tired but not sleepy

I am worn out but not really sleepy. The kids are alot of work. We are moving the whole time. The kids get so excited when we come into new places but I hope they calm down soon.

Yesterday also seem to be a dump on Step day. My co-worker told me I looked bad. My mom told me my house smells like dog urine. I didn't get a good nights sleep at all. Face is more sore today.

Day two of work

I am back at work and about to fall completely out. Don't think I can make it. Mostly because I have not eatten. I am not trying to starve but between no time I have no appitite and my mouth reminds me that it is just not ready. So if I can't slurp it down I am doing without.

The kid's seem to be doing well. In the last 24 hours I have had a half a can of spaghettio's. I won't be any good to anyone if I don't take care of myself. I need to find some solution.

One of my co-workers told me my hair didn't look good. I have been feeling bad evey since. I guess I can put a little more effort into my hair. I didn't think I looked that bad.

Sick of all these appointments though. Everytime I look around someone is making an appointmen and then canseling. We have one today that I am taking the kids to just to make sure that we get to leave on time.

I never thought I would be this busy.

Smile for the Camera

Everyday we learn a new trick to get us through the day. B5's teachers told us to video him when he misbehaves to help us with getting him on track. Everytime we pull out the camera he snapps out of the bad behavior and becomes the most perfect angel you will ever meet.

now we walk around with camera's. His behavior has gotten so much better. B6 is having a little trouble going to bed. Wants to just watch TV. No TV tonight.

Well time to run a few errands before I pick the boys up for the day.

They are so here!!!!

The boys came to stay on Wed. I have never been so tired in my life. The level of noise has gone from 2 - 40. Yesterday was hard. We had to really do time out with all of them mostly Joseph. Placing him back and forth on the carpet for over 45 minutes. The others tried us but by then we were experts after JO. We did well eventually. Today was just busy but the behavior was so much better. I can't wait for school to start Tuesday. I might get them there an hour early LOL!!!

Where's the excitement

I expected that I would be more excited and actually today I am more sad than usual. There is alot going on around me. Mom and Dad financially are drowning. Tony and I are doing our best to help them but that also takes away from the possibilty of having our biological baby. Also my Aunt is not doing well. I want to go but we can't leave. I miss my family. I guess that is also sad. I don't feel my family around me and I am going to be a mommy tomorow. My mom didn't even remember.

The Fm is still slow with getting the clothes together. I am not going to ask any more. I am just going to buy new clothes. Slowly but surely I will bring it together.

Great Sleep

We had a great weekend. We made sure the boys were good and tired. They slept through the night. Overall they did well over the weekend. Of course that doesn't mean there were no problems. Learning to work through them. The kids are also learning their boundaries. The good things about them is that they don't act up at the same time. If one cuts up the other two watch.

I have learned that naps are needed around 3:00 pm for everyone. Just hard so I call it quiet time now.

Diner

Diner at the house went well. No allergy problems. Only one meltdown and food seeemed to control the problem. The kids next door came over and the games were on. Later that night the boys showed off their toys and watched a little TV before we took them home.

O was not happy to go home. I think part of that was I have been good all day, I must cut up now.

Getting ready for Saturday. First overnight visit. I guess our first priority is just to wear them out and let them play. Spend some time eating at home Play at home watch some TV at home.

Weekend full

I can't believe how busy I get now.

Saturday was full and fun. After running a million errands we picked up the kids at 12:30 introduced them to the dogs. We went to the park for a while and then went by the house to play in the back yard. It was better since it is fenced in. The kids got to see the house and their rooms and they loved it. The funny thing about my kids is that they enjoy seeing their brother acting up so that makes the others act well.

Not really bad. Sunday was a little dicey but I really fault the FM for keeping them in the house all day. No different than a caged animal.

I love my boys all seven of them.

Been a little busy

On Wednesday we took the kids for the testing. The doctor we ended up at accepted BJ but not the other two insurance. I had to hold my baby while they stuck all these things in his back. It was hard to watch but we know he is not allergic to dogs but to grass. The Doc gave a good speech to FM about allergies especially on how if the day care has a dog then the boys have been exposed and they are not allergic.

After the appointment Dh met the boys and I at McDonalds for dinner and playtime. The boys behavior is getting better each visit.

Saturday is on for meeting the dogs. Then lunch and a visit to another type of playground. These visit restrictions make us so much fun and I am really starting to hate it. It is hard to really spend time getting to know the kids if we only take them to playplaces all the time.

Dog 3 Allergies 0

Yesterday was the testing and true to form the Doctor said that if there is a dog in the daycare there is nothing to worry about.

Now we will get ready for Saturday and taking the boys out with the dogs.

This one is going to be long

First let's start on Friday. Actually it starts on Wednesday when I had to change my password on my work email. That made my phone connection stop working. I thought no big deal I can live without it for a couple of days. On Thursday I was told by SW to change Saturday plans untill kids get allergy test. OK but kind of last minute.

Friday pretty much quite got an message from facebook that allergy test will be Wed the 14 from FM.

Saturday pick up the kids. DH kind of in a mood. Seems like small things kids where doing got on his nerves. We tried to take them to the movies. Very expensive and then the three year old was just not interested in the movie. We left early. Six year old has emotional issue when we have to leave what ever he is enjoying but he is starting to work on that. I truly believe it is controllable. He is not going to control us. We took them out to eat no problems. Went to the playground everything was OK.

Sunday DH acted like we have the worst kids in the world. He never would say what they did wrong just that he thought they were out of control. After a good "discussion" I explained to him that he expects a three year old to act like a 50 year old and that is not going to happen. Also he is not going to hold me hostage with him wavering back and forth. We have come to far for him to have an attitude and I am not having it. We all made need time away from each other but right now we have a schedule we have to stick to and he does not have the luxury to decide to have an attitude against the schedule.

The weather was so beautiful on Sunday I called FM and asked to take kids by myself to the park. I picked them up and they were happy to go. They have the biggest smiles waiting for me. I took them to the park and they played for 2.5 hours. I offered them something to eat in the car and that is how I got them in the car without tears. Handed them a toy for behaving so well. The six year old gave me about five minutes of grief and then let it go. He gets better each time. Grab a couple of Happy Meals and all was well. FM and her mother were so happy that I could take them out. They praised me over and over for having the energy to take them out.

I went home and DH had a change of heart. There were brand new footballs, Basketballs, Helecopters and tow trucks for the kids. He said he tried to come to the park and find us but since it is a big park he didn't make it. He appologised and wanted all the details he missed.

I guess this is why God really wanted us to have two parents sometimes one has to hold everything while the other takes a break.

Now come Monday. I get to work and on my work email is a long conversation of email between the Social Workers, Attorney and Foster Mom about the allergy and dogs. The hurtful part is that FM smiled and hugged etc. in my face all weekend and was hitting me with missles by email. She made all these accusation about allergy reactions that Omar is having since he met the browns. How concern she is about allergies with the kids and their health. How the Bio mom likes to sue and the agency should be concern.

She just went on and on with the most riduculous statements ever. She sited that Omar's teacher called and said his eye was red ONCE. (Didn't mention that this happened two days after we had seen them - not an allergy) She sited that she has to clean Omar's face every day from green gook (I never heard of an allergy that strikes only at night) She wrote in all CAPS that maybe its a coincedence. She wrote a paragraph about her allergy to cats and how within moments she has problems. (I guess she didn't notice that she disproves her own point allergies are immediate and not just hitting later)

She wrote a paragraph on how the dog at the boys daycare doesn't really count for allergies because he is not the same room. (if you are allergic it is in the air) I am very sensitve about having a clean house so I was really hot at her accusations and she has never been to my house but one thing I know is that my house is cleaner than hers.

Her emailed was enough to kill our home visit untill the results are back.

I spoke to the SW that morning and she said at this point let's just get the test. I said OK. Through out the day FM sent more emails. Now she had to give the 3 year old his inhaler late in the night (there is no way that is related to the dogs) and Omar had to have his face washed again. AND???!!!

I did not respond.

Then I get a surprise shower (cupcakes, gift card and books) from the office. It was nice but frankly it was hard with the email war going on at that moment.

I come back to my desk and more emails. This time she is appologizing and hoping that everyone sees that she really supports Tony and I getting the children and only is looking out for the children's health.

I call the SW again and I said "Has she lost her mind". The SW concluded that FM is going through separation anxiety. Saying she must have started to realize that she has less than a month left. SW says maybe FM is reading over her other emails and realized how bad they sound and now has remorse.

I really wanted to treat her like family but she just made a Sharilyn move. Now she will get arm length treatment. Just let me know when and what I am to do.

My mom and my BFF are furious. Both having met the children. My BFF brought up a good point -how is it that the children only have reactions when she is alone with them. Even the SW wrote in the emails that the kids were very happy and had no problems when she observed our visit.

DH went home sick yesterday so he missed the emails and just got the synopsis. He is now upset that FM is acting like this but since he doesn't trust people he is not surprised.

Mentally I am exhausted. I am also so disappointed in her behavior. I am very grateful that the SW seems to recognize that FM has a problem. I understand her problem I wouldn't want to let the boys go either. I wish her well.

Allergy TESTing

Since the first "introductory" call about the boys, we have asked if the boys are allergic to dogs. The answer has always been no but we will have that done. It is now four months later and no test have been done. The worst part is that I got a call yesterday from the SW saying to change our plans for saturday, which included taking the dogs for a walk. I am just mad with the late notice and the fact that we are expect to keep these kids for four hours and not allowed to go to our house. That is a long time to not be allowed to go home. The kids get tired and I hate public bathrooms. It is one thing to have errands and be out of the house for four hours and to have to stay away for four hours.

We will take them to the zoo and then out for a bite to eat. This time we are going to IHOP. We need them to learn to eat at places we like too.

Luckily the test are going to be on Wed hopefully we can get past this before next week which is suppose to be a six hour visit. I hope we can go home.

Getting my MOJO Back

I am starting to loose me again. Every couple of months I feel this way. I don't feel pretty, I feel fat, dopey and ugly. I feel like the kind of person who wakes up and puts on clothes just not to be naked. I comb my hair but it does not compliment me it's just not a complete mess to offend. I feel taken for granted by my husband but I also know that I spoiled him. Sometimes I would like to come downstairs and just have food placed in front of me. Like when I was a kid.

So I am definitey starting my diet today and restarting it every meal. I am going to dye my hair tommorow and put in the work to straighten it and curl it. I will also work on getting some new makeup for spring and start to find a new style in clothes to make myself feel better. I will also do my story board and begin to make a picture of who I want to look like.

This is working on me.

Full Weekend

Whew am I tired..
Let's start with Friday. My parents eventually come in with about 10 min for me to get to the boys Daycare. Mom rode with me and we got stuck in traffic you would not believe. When we finally got to the boys they were so excited and made the most energitic introduction you can imagine. As usual they were so cute. First thing mom did say was that the boys were way to young and energitic for making a bear. We made a dash to Target for plan B activities. Saturday I felt like I was trying to keep my anxiety down and ended up making us 10 min late to the boys house. All good. Then we couldn't get the baby's seat to work right. After five master degrees working on it we finally got it together.

We piled my parents three kids and the two of us and we fit barely in the car. My hips were not made to be between two booster seats.

We had a ball!!Two hours at the grocery store playing everything, and two hours at Chick-fil-A mostly in the playplace.

The boys were wonderful. The oldest showed off a little. Not bad though.

The social worker remarked, these children are so happy. That made me feel good. We showed a major connection with them and showed that we have a bond. It was great that when the children misbehaved she got to see how we discipline. We did good. I was proud of us.

She for got me!!!

Today was the day that I was to meet FM and then we when go to the daycare center. I managed to get the designated spot in 30 minutes early because I found a major short cut. Now I know that even leaving work at 5:00 pm I can get to the kids by 6:15pm. I waited for over an hour and then the car battery died. After a nice guy helped me out I headed home. FM returned my call around 7:25. She forgot all about me. She had another appointment to come up. We will try it again Friday. Mom will be here by then. She will get a sneak peak at the boys.

Now I have to tell DH that I ran the battery in the car down.

Still sick

Although I am sick,if we didn't sit in cubicles then I could sneeze without feeling like I am endangering the whole floor.

I guess I will have to clean up really good and get rid of the germs in the sheets and all.

Parents come Friday and then a four hour with the boys.

Suggestion the visits should start off one a week then two then three and so on. It may be inconvient for people but isn't that part of it. The new parents should have more and more interaction and then the transfer day is really just a move. The children would be use to seeing you everyday and you would be in their schedule.

Cold on Monday

I went to sleep knowing this was happening. I have a bad cold. My head is stuffed. My throat hurts. my head hurts. I just took the day off since I could.

Visitation

It is wonderful that FM says we are welcomed anytime. We also don't want to wear out our welcome. I feel like we missed so much of their lives in between visits. I also know that she needs this time to disconnect. I am sure she is spending her time holding on to them but also knowing she will be letting go soon. Begging March 4 I probably will begin a countdown.

I am getting another cold. In fact the whole house has colds. DH is coughing, the dogs are coughing. I am the last one but it is starting. Let me get some sleep early.

No show PSI

Yesterday was a scheduled meeting with observation from the PSI SW. I got there about 6:15 pm DH came straight from work 6:25pm the boys around 6:45pm and the SW never showed.

The boys were excited to see the playground which was surprising as it so close to their home. It is a great place for them to run out energy. They played and played.

Baby boy3 was so cute. When he would come out the slide he just looked for Tony then me and a smile I wish I could have caught on camera.

Long three day week

Amazing this week has only been a Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, and it took forever. I am so happy Friday will be here soon. I can't wait to see my boys Friday night. It seems like Monday was a week away. I have a few plans for friday to occupy the two hours. I want to spend some one on one time with all the children but mainly Omar. The other two don't seem to have a problem with bonding but Omar is a little more reserve. Don't get me wrong he is very receptive to us but as an older child he is not into being held as easily. I want to sit with him and maybe play with the tablets or a book. See what he like to do. Just talk with him one on one.

More for CFSA

I feel like I should be rewriting the transitioning manual for CFSA. If the whole purpose of the eight week transition is to get the kids to know us and to help us to learn their habits and routines then let's bring more into it. Like instead of evening visits and saturday visits how about some morning visits. I have no idea what their morning routine to get ready for school might be. Going over in the evening and putting them to bed is very helpful. I know that I have three bundles of energy that don't want to go bed. Their bath routine is way to active to say go to bed right after.

I am taking off for the first week but knowing their routine would help. I guess I will ask if I can come and help get them dressed on morning. I understand the need not to get in their way of day to day living but there is no way around certain things.

We did start sending noted to the teachers to allow me to come and visit the class room.

Saturday morning with the boys was great. They didn't want us to leave. Foster Mom has started to drop hints to the boys that we are going to become Mommy and Daddy. The baby was excastic. Middle was OK with it. Oldest was like OK but what is going on.

DH is not feeling well this morning. He does have a bad cold but frankly he is just to easy to say I am not going in. I guess that is the difference between men and women. Women have learned each month to work through the pain if not we would be out once a week every month and that just doesn't work (although my boss does it every month. And annouces it).

He is sick though.

Our next meeting with the boys is Friday at chick - Fil-a from 6:30 - 8:30 pm. I have a game to play, and coloring books. The children are so active and you want to bond with them. Two hours without a plan under overservation could go so wrong.

Saturday Morning

We had a great Saturday morning. Took breakfast to the kids. Went outside with the kids and played for a while. We had so much fun. We enjoy spending time with them. I am going to goodwill and get each boy a bike. Don't want them to have new ones but good clean ones.

It is getting hard to leave them now. I want to just be home. Have them in their beds or playing right here in the room. I will wait. I am just hoping I don't get on the nerves of the foster mom. I jump at every chance she gives us and I am thankful for them.

Thank you Jesus.

Saturday Morning

I am going to see the boys in the morning. I told their FM I will watch them in the morning provided that she get some sleep. That poor woman really is doing to much. I am going to have them color their names for me on letters then I will take the letters and put them in frame and hang them in their room. Probably over their beds.

Just waiting for Monday

We didn't go over last night and I miss those little buggers like crazy. I am practicing patience. I have to wait my turn and I will.

It is so quite in our house. DH was so tired last night. I am probably going to put him on a half vitamin in the morning and in the afternoon.

Friday is a half day for me and I have monday off. Should be able to get plenty of rest.

Bedtime two nights in a row now a little break

The adoption worker had some papers for us to sign last night that also needed FM's signature so we had a great excuse to need to come back by.

She allowed us to help with dinner feedings and bath and bedtime. DH read the boys a story or two before they hit the sheets. Babyboy has a little virus and threw up at dinner. after trying to settled him down which he seemed to enjoy being babied he looked at me and said "Tony". Trust me he will be Daddy in less than two weeks. And Daddy is eating it up.

Just had a lunch time conversation with FM. It is good to talk to her because she can tell me stuff that is not covered in the class at all. I remembered I asked in the class can we take the children out of town or do we have to ask permission. The answer was always yes take them but she is telling me that we can't take them more than 50 miles away. That is PSI's rule. We are under DC gov so I am waiting for another ruleing. Around DC 50 miles is not far. But we get TPR'd in April so that won't be long anyway.

The Adoption Worker just came by the office and I was so excited to tell her all that we have been doing that I didn't ask her any of the questions I have.

oh well

I get so emotional Baby!

My boys are wonderful. The Foster family is wonderful. The boys took to us like old friends. We played all night. My baby boy can speak very well. He is very intelligent. My middle is a heartbreaker. He knows he is cute and plays on it. My oldest is very smart. You can tell his brain is just taking in everything around him. He wants to learn. He took to the camera so quickly. Of course Tony is buying him one Saturday.

Meeting today

Finally!!! I get to meet the boys tonight. I am so excited. I keep moving the time up as to when I am going to leave work. We don't go until 7:00pm but I need to walk my dogs and the ones next door.

The FM has sent me video's all weekend which were a great distraction with the Whitney news.

I have video's of the baby telling the world how he peed in the pot. Actually he was telling Stephanie. I have a video of the middle child telling how his brother will get in trouble if he writes on the wall. I have one of the oldest showing how he has lost another tooth.

We sent them pictures of the dogs and the Foster Mom says the boys are excited to see them.

Well dinner is tonight. I wrapped up a big Tow Truck and we have balloons and potato chips for the other two boys. This will be so much fun.

Thank you Jesus. I know Whitney is at peace. Both of them.

Whitney Houston

Last night Whitney Houston died. Doesn't matter how it just happened. What a wonderful voice. The only other thing any of us really know about her is that she loved her mother and daughter. She was so happy when she was pregnant. She had a miscarriage prior but this pregnancy just really suited her.

It also makes me wonder why she didn't take better care of herself just for her daughter. Now her daughter is alone.

Busy Day

This was a busy but stupid day.

First let's start with yesterday afternoon. After DH picked me up a bicyclist came out of no where and we hit him. I scan a little more than DH and I saw the whole thing comming but it happened so fast I couldn't stop it. The really weird part was that the guy got up and just took off. We pulled over and waited for the police and they said since the guy left and the car had no damage everything was OK.

I will make it 8 weeks

We had the meeting to iron out the transition schedule last night. We went day by day of a proposed schedule. This will be an eight week transfer that begins with meeting the kids at BJ's Birthday party on Monday at 7:00 pm for some cake and ice cream. We will be introduced to the kids as a friend of the family and have the boys see us interact with the FM family. Then overall the visits will begin each weekend and once a week or so there will be different visit of some sort. Through March with them moving in on April 4. I have one work obligation to work out but overall we should be OK. I will keep myself busy in between visits planning for the next visit or one after to make use of all the time.

Planning for
Feb 13 Birthday party @ 7:00 pm
Feb 20 Dinner with the Family

Come on 4:00 pm

Our meeting is at 5:30 pm today. I will leave the office around 4:00 - 4:15pm. Don't want to get there to early. It will really only take me about 30 minutes or less to get there but the weather may be bad.

I keep replaying that smile in my head. Still looking for a couple of extra activities to do. Want everyone involved.

It's 2:51 and I know one thing I am leaving at 4:00 pm. I'd rather sit there than here.

Just heard from my cousin. His daughter's house burned down last night and his wife had a hysterictomy yesterday. So much going on and I had to read about it on facebook. He will here about that one.

The biggest smile I have ever seen!!

OH what a day!!

We went to the IEP meeting for Joseph. At this meeting they were discussing the plan to lable Joseph with mental retardation. We were told the wrong time so the AW, the SW and us all ended up 30 min late. After hearing alot of information that I still don't understand we overall agreed to hold the lable until April. Then the teacher showed us video of Joseph which was exciting because we hadn't seen a picture of him. He was beautiful. Then they wanted to show us the classroom. The Fostermom needed to leave and take Joseph somewhere and they brought him in to the room.

He was so beautiful I just wanted to scoop him up and really just . . . it was so emotional that I had to stay cool because they didn't want to confuse him. When he left I broke into tears. It was wonderful and I just didn't know it would feel that good. I am about to take a nap now for the first time in a long while I might actually get some rest.

New Car weekend

We picked up the family car on Friday. It is really nice and the deal was spectacular. 0% financing is really great. The car is great color and my father really liked it. Funny how you are always wanting your parents approval. Loved spending time with the family.

My cousin had her baby this weekend. I am very happy for her because I know she has tried for quite some time. Glad it finnaly happened for her.

Well tommorow is the school meeting. I still am not slepping well. Maybe I can sleep in before the meeting.

Stress and sick

Apparently I was able to make myself sick with stress.

I went home after feeling so down that I couldn't even stay awake. Then I got home and couldn't get any sleep.

Eventually the ASW was able to schedule the meeting for Wed of next week in the evening. She has also brought in the GAL (children's attorney). I think I see that we have an underlining problem of a foster mother that doesn't want to let go. There is a court date in Feb and I think the GAL is going to state that the transition needs to happen sooner than later.

Everyone but the FM has at least emailed that Wed works with their schedule so we will meet on Tuesday and then again on Wed. 24hours is better than a week later.

The movement was great but the damage I have done to my body for the day was done. I know I went to sleep but it wasn't a good sleep. DH was on one side and Simba on the other and he may only weigh 8Lbs but last night it was dead weight and moved me.

I hope my accupuncture appointment gets me back on track today.

Stress it out!!

Yesterday we got a call from the ASW asking if Tuesday can we come for the IEP meeting followed with the transition meeting right after. We agree. Then at 8:50pm the Foster Sister sent an email saying that she has been thinking and she think we should push the transion meeting back another week so she can be present for the whole meeting. WTF!!

DH and I have already taken leave and frankly no we are not going to do it again the next week. I called the ASW this morning and I pleaded with her to advocate for us that some consideration needs to be made for our schedules. With the long delays that we have had to sustain it we are only asking for fairness. I told her of the delays in the process (and that I know those are not her fault at all). I also mentioned that this is not the first time that the FMom/sister has made request to be worked around her schedule and this needs to be nipped in the bud now.

I think I very calmly and respectfully conveyed my request to advocate on our behalf. She was very appologetic and I told her I certainly don't hold her accountable at all but that I really needed to see CFS take control and move this along.

At work we had a workshop on Disrespect in the workplace. Now there is 2 hours of stress. It was terrible. The facilitator was horrible. She wanted us to name names of people with problems. It was stressful and many people were upset or felt that time was wasted.

ASW said she would speak with her supervisor and try to call before Noon.

She calls and basically explains that FMom is holding the cards because she has not told the kids yet and maybe having a little separation anxiety. They are in contact with her and are asking her to meet after work hours at least and for a quick moment on Tuesday while we are all together. Maybe I will bring her something to smooth over hard feelings.

Of course he is not available

Jasmine called yesterday to let me know the email was comming to find out when we were available to set up the transition meeting starting on Friday. The email asked for our avaialbility. Of course I am available at any time and Tony after 4 and anytime on the phone. The email went to the SW and Jasmine's supervisor. Like clock work the SW sent an email at 4:59 to say he was not availble on Friday and we should schedule for next week. That's it. No suggestion of a day or time that works for him at all. For real what is up with these people. How is it that no one seems to work a full six weeks without having to take time off? I have not met anyone there who has not requested time off during the short time I have had to work with them.

not much

Not much going on so far. I have a horrible leg cramp and I am sleepy. Dryfeus didn't sleep through the night again. Up at 12:30 then at 3:30 then on the couch and I over slep to 6:15.

We went to see the car last night but it is still not in yet. Planning to hop down to NC this weekend kind of hopping that maybe the first meeting might happen though. We will see.

Having a massive leg cramp right now. Hopping that I can distract away from the pain. I have streteched, walked it out and drank enough water to satisfy a horse. Still hurts. I don't know if this is stress but if the weather is nice I may take a walk and get a banana.

I sent off the Jack and Jill information also remembering to go to the AKA meeting next week at 10 am.

Need to schedule my event in Hampton and get on David's case for A&T.

I wish they would call so I can schedule these out of town events a little easier.

Time off again

I sent thank you notes this morning to everyone for comming to meeting on Friday and a more personal note to the Matching SW that we want to continue on. I got a quick email from our adoption SW supervisor letting me know that the A-SW is out of the office today but will be in contact with us to set up the transition date to occur this week. That is wonderful but really how many days off do these people get?

Our class leader - Off the last two weeks of class
Home study SW - Off the first two weeks of September
Matching SW - Emergency for the two weeks after Thanksgiving
Relicensing SW - On sick leave
R SW supervisor - Death in the family the morning of our meeting (at least she still came)
THEN THE SIX WEEKS OF NOTHING (Longest Christmas Break in History)
Now the A-SW - Off the first day we are officially transfered to her.

OK enough griping - We are at least moved on to the next step and transitioning will be happening soon.

Thank you Jesus.

On the road

First - the meeting

Finally getting to the meeting. 9 of the 15 showed and two on the phone. The majority of the meeting was rehashing what had been said at the prior meeting. We got to meet the adoption worker who will help us through the transition. We have a school meeting on the 7th that we are allowed to go to and there is a court date in Feb and in May. The May date will terminate the parents rights. We got to hear from the Foster sister who is the parent now as the mother is very ill. She seemed very sad that the boys will be leaving but was happy when DH offered to continue our contact with us. Basically we are now waiting until Monday to say we want to move forward and then we will be waiting for the adoption worker to contact us for the transition meeting. At least there is movement.

Second - We bought a new car!!!

We knew that we would be buying a car soon. my car is almost seven years old and we needed at least one car that would be more comfortable for three car seats. Then my mom has been calling all week with her car problems and how they need us to come and drop off a car for them to use for this and that. Two huge things are that my aunt is very sick and my mom wants to see her soon and be able to come see her at the drop of a hat. My dad has court date a couple hundred miles away in Feb and they don't trust their car to make the ride. I can't keep taking off and running to NC all the time. We went just looking at cars and then we were offered a deal on a great car with financing that was outstanding. The best part is that we didn't have to make a trade. Mom gets to keep her old car and my present car goes to her that runs.

The new car is perfect for three car seats without being a mini van. It will be easy for the dog to ride in and I won't be a typical soccer mom.

Let's hope the adoption worker wants to move faster than the others.

Tick . . . .Tock

One more hour before I go home and can (IMO) celebrate that we have actually started to move this train. I am sure that the clock is going backwards (LOL)

I have run off enough possible questions to ask. I know we will not have enough time to ask all of them but at least I look prepared for something.

Again I don't really know what this meeting is for. I know that we have to go through this then she will call on Tuesday and we get to hopefully set up the transition meeting. (Dear GOD let that be an over the phone conversation and soon as next week)

DH has already planned for us to go to the car show after the meeting. It will probably be good to get our minds off the meeting and relax after being on pins and needles for six weeks. So far I am still set on the GMC Acadia. Not a new one but a year or two old.

Still 30 min to go I think I will begin to tip toe out at 15 min. Maybe hit the "head" in 5 min.

Actually I can head down now and waist some time.

Thursday is here and life is changing!!

So many emotions are going on with me today.

1. I am so thankful it is finally thursday. That means the next time I wake up it will be Friday, and we will have our meeting at 1:00 pm. I will probably get there at Noon if I can. I have almost finished the snowman soups, gotta find some mint sticks. Will work on a few more questions to answer. Will probably still get up at the same time. Get Tony off to work try to take a one hour nap to calm my nerves. Get up and be at the hairdresser by 9:00 am. Hopefully out by 10:45 am by the latest. At CFS by Noon.

2. I got a call yesterday that Nee-Nee has had another baby. That makes one in 2008 (passed) September 2010 (Austin) and January 2012 (a boy). My brain did not retain the name as I fed up with this family. She/they did not tell me she was pregnant. Don't come a calling now. I just have to realize that this is a culture of people I don't understand and won't. I also have no intention of allowing my boys to live in this world. I am now more determined that the boys will not be allowed to socialize in certain settings. I hate that because I never felt like I was taught that I was better but I knew what life I didn't want. I realize now that I have to be selective about who the boys are friends with. Not just for safety but to shape their future. If their friends aren't about something neither will they be.

This was just so disappointing that NeeNee turned out this way. She was definitely exposed to the other side of life but she chose the life that was lazy and what she surrounded herself in.

Don't think Freda is much better. Only good thing about her right now is that she at least isn't dragging some poor innocent child (or two) in this mess with her.

Well going to let it go now. I have to find a day camp or two. Probably going to cost about $5K for all three but we will make it work.

I guess that whole teacher job is sounding like a real good thing.

New outlook

Maybe I should look at the day past and not the day ahead. When I realize it is only Wednesday morning I get depressed, when I think tuesday is over I feel a little better.

I actually had a full evening. DH got his V-day present early. I got him the remote control helicopter that he has begged for since Thanksgiving. We have looked for this thing everywhere. I found it on line three weeks ago but it took forever to ship. Turns out that DH found his own version and it got here on Monday as he struggled to tell me about it. Luckily for him it only cost $15. So now he has two. The initial flight took off in our kitchen and landed in the dog water bowl within 5 seconds. All flights will now take off outside.

Tuesday started

It is so sad to be counting down to this meeting. Frankly, it is not my fault or in my control what this process is. Someone should be aware. It is aggonizing. The process is to long. Not that they should speed through finding parents but come on. That six week break was riduculous and I do feel like I am owed a good explanation and an appology.

Ok breath and relax only three more days and then it will be Friday.

Feeling a little sad and hungry at 11:30 am. Should eat but don't want to run out of food before the end of the day.

This is the time I would love to really talk to someone about this process. I want to have someone who is also going through this. Have them ask me questions and me ask them. Someone who understands.

I want to ask about the process. What else do we need to purchase?

2 hour delay and a good nap

For some reason we got a two hour delay to come to work. In fact the exact words were not to get on the road before 9 am offices to open at 11:00 am. It did snow like three days ago and only enough to cover the ground the streets were fine. I guess with refreezing it just slowed us down. I got in a great nap though.

Four days to go. Funny two phone calls today to ask me if anything is new from people I know who I told we have a long wait. Just wait it out it will be here soon enough.

Five days to go

Slowly but surely we are making our way to Friday.


This weekend we did get a few thing accomplished. I got three booster seats on sale for 30- 100 pound kids. That makes five that we have one that I am skeptical about. I also got DH's clothes and I found a sweater I may wear.

I have this horrific rash on my neck I am sure it is just my nerves but it always something isn't it. Finished J-hud's book and although poorly written it made a point here and there about weight loss and health.

Seven days to go

Finally the end of the longest week ever. Come on January 27.

Ok this weekends missions:
- Outfits for me and DH to wear Friday nice but I don't believe we need to be in suits
- Car seat (maybe 2)they are on sale
- Snow man soup
- family scrapbook page

a little under the weather

I guess my cold from November is making another return visit. Not that I really care. I am so sick of being sick that I have decided to just push through no matter what.

Anyway, this has been the longest week ever. It is just not moving at all and we didn't work Monday. Hopefully next week gets here sooner than later. I am going to spend this weekend buying something nice for myself and DH to wear to our interview and something nice to wear for our first visit with the boys.

I am starting to plan for Friday. I am not working that day so I should be able to sleep and get good rest. Go get my hair done in the mourning. I will spend this weekend making the snow man soup packets. Probably put them in a little basket. I think I will also make a small scrap book/page of our house, the dogs and just some things to show the foster mom.

I am freezing in this room. In the last week or two I have been having these horrible muscle cramps by late afternoon. I know I may sit at my desk to long but even if I get up and stretch it doesn't seem to help. They are only in my legs and definitely feel like muscle strain. My muscles just hurt. I have started eating a little bit of mustard to help and it does. I am drinking quite a bit of water so I am not dehydrated.

Muddling through

First - I forgot something huge that happened on Saturday. I woke up to an email from someone who knows we are trying to adopt telling me they know of a baby boy born this week that needs a home ASAP. It just amazing to me that a baby could be just put out there like that. We have our heart committed to our boys so we turned it down.

I woke up this morning with the sadness running all around. The Foster sister sent another email reply all asking when the date of the meeting is. I guess she somehow missed the email about January 27. I am sure the CW will let her know.

I guess it will get better when the boys come home.

two three six car seats

In my effort to stay busy but still focused this weekend was dedicated to learning about car seats. Another issue never discussed in the classes or even written in the homestudy. We have two car seats and one in route. From what I learned we may have it all wrong. We have a convertible seat which is suppose to cover all children up to 40 pounds and we have high back booster seat for the three year old and up and we have a backless booster being delivered. We went to the health fair to learn who can help us make sure they are installed correctly. It turns out that we really need the kids to figure out the best seat. Car seats are mainly based on height and weight not age. We will probably need three car seats which really meant six for each car,since DH and I are splitting car duty for school. The best seat that will work for kids is the nautilis at $139 a seat. Will start buying the first one this pay and then keep it going. When the lady heard our situation with the adoption she sent us to another woman who runs a program that gives away seats and they will out fit one car for us. THank you LORD!!!

We also are riding with the other seats up to feel the closeness of the car as we decide on another car for me.

Still two weeks until the next meeting.

Another two week delay

I guess I should be happy that something is moving even if it seems like it is moving at the pace of molassasses going up hill in the snow with rocks. We finally have a date for the background conference. January 27 six weeks and three days from the call that we were selected to be the parents.

At least she told me the date and I don't have to wait for the email after a call that it is comming. Then two days to let them know if we want to proceed. Then another meeting with the SW, Adoption SW the Foster Mother to set the transitioning schedule. I guess the lady at Weight Watchers was right when she said it would be March before they move in. I guess we won't be switching schools this year.

OK so 16 days from today. I plan to loose a pound (or more each day) why not I don't feel like eating anyway.

She just sent the email while I was typing this well I guess we are moving forward.

Not a good day

As high as I got at the game that is how low I am today. I can't explain it. I feel like such a failure as a woman today. That's all.

Wizards to the rescue

One of my BFF gave DH and me tickets to see the wizard's game last night. Poor DH was having a gout attack so I ended up taking my next door neighbor instead. We had a complete ball. I cracked jokes and laughed all night. Now if the seats had been a little bigger it would have been perfect. I guess I need to work on being a little smaller. It was nice to laugh and not be so frustrated.

Back to another day. One more person did a reply all yesterday and today I sent an email just saying we are open to any date and time.

I hope she gets the hint to just set the date and screw all these choices. They will be there.

Be Happy for Bey

Beyounce had her baby "Blue" on Saturday. There has been more negativity than if she had been driving drunk and killed somebody. It is unbelievable that people just can't be happy for her and need to focus on " she had a surogate, they rented out the whole floor at the hospital, she had a cesarian". Why can't people just be happy she has a baby. This really hurts because not on this scale but I know I too will face some negativity for adopting. Not about my boys but about the fact that I didn't have a natural baby. There will always be someone (and she knows who she is) that will push it in my face that I did not ever give birth. Some people can't be happy if they are not the center of attention. But this is my family and I will not go down with out a fight. Bring it on!!

Middle Ground

I mentioned that the only way I see to deal with this is let the depression take over. There is no middle ground. I can't let out the frustration on the SW I can only jump when and how high they tell me. I feel a little better that SW acknowledged that the people should only responde for times noted and not ask for anything else.

I also hope that the "reply all" people will make the others answer sooner than later. Right now there are two people who have requested the 19 in the morning. I hope that keeps going.

Physically I am having a lot of ovulation pain. I have it each month doesn't mean much. This time it seems to be a little more probably the stress.

Reply All

It is amazing that in 2012 people still don't know that you should not hit reply all. Then again unless it is a group email most large emails go out as blind addresses. Anyway the boys foster mother and sister (who is older than me). They both hit reply all and not only that they both requested times not even offered. It was bad enough that the SW gave five dates with two times each day to choose from. Then they ask something else.

Frankly these are the two people I want to talk.

Other than that I had an ok day. Still a little sad. I worked out doing Zumba and I went to weight watches. Gained 2 pounds but I feel like that is all about to change.

I am exercising to deal with this stress.

Let's go I am bringing my boys home.

First time

First time - I have decided that the only sane way for me to get through this process is to believe that this in my SW first time ever doing an adoption. Frankly this will be the first adoption in the District of Columbia ever!!!!! That is the only way to understand the absolutely ridiculous hoops and request we are getting from them.

Around 2:00 pm (two and half hours before COB at CFSA)I asked DH to contact the social worker (since I called yesterday and emailed her on Tuesday) and just say nicely inquire about the "email" that is so precious that she is sending. Well - she tells him that she is sending it today and that she appreciates how patient we have been through this process. Then at 3:45 she calls me saying she is not sure of DH email address and do I know it. I tell her that it is better to email me and I will share it with him. She agreed. Now doesn't that sound like an email is going out right that second. The email doesn't go out for another hour. Do you know how long and hour is?!??!?!?

Then the email is addressed to 15 other people and it asked them to select from the FIVE dates and TWO time periods available to meet. That is like giving 10 meeting times to 15 people. That is over 150 different possible responses she could get on when to meet. Is she clueless?!?!? You don't let 15 people choose a date we would never meet. Just pick two dates and say YAY or NAY. These people are paid to attend this meeting. BE THERE!!!

I feel so exhausted. Four weeks I have heard Nothing!!! Then after I feel like I have begged and pleaded for something this is what I get!! Not a step forward but a half step. It's like we almost moved.

I am too much of an A type personality for this. The real me wants to go over her and her bosses head and bring all type of fire down on this process. No one should be put through this.

But I will sit and wait and wait. Just wait. When the judge puts down his gavel and my boys are official I am so going off on this system.

Now I just wait as I become the first person to ever adopt in Washington, DC.

Not better yet

Almost half the day gone and no email yet.

I could keep typing my frustration but it is just a repeat. Why don't they just send the email.

Is it really asking alot for them to just send the email.

I am just venting because there is truly nothing I can do.

Loosing it today

I guess I am in hormone overload or something and since I can't yell at the people I really want to yell at here it comes one computer -

The email list the SW put together - Why wasn't it put together back in October when you were doing interviews. Regardless of who the parents were going to be this list was the same people except who the parents were. Why not have a designated day that background conferences are with so many people involved just say we hold these meeting on the first and third thursday. That way all of these people involved can fix their schedules knowing that background conferences all on thursdays.

The "support" group has been cancelled so much I don't know what to say. Except that I feel like Tony and I have been dropped on a deserted island and told that help will be here in two days. And we are just suppose to be thankful when they show up even if it took them three years, which we would be but it is torcher looking and waiting and waiting.

When people would complain at NACA I would agree with them because chances were the delay was not at all my fault. Many times the would complain about the time that I had told them it would take. I think about how real esate agents would call me about settlements for contracts I didn't even have yet. Would yell at me until I made them feel awlful and would say can I ask you how much sense does it make if you are yelling at me that I don't have something instead of speaking those who are suppose to give it to me.

I remember telling one guy in the time you have taken to yell at me about a paper I don't have you could have at least sent me the copy you have. Of course I was being smart and short.

I had a client who refused to fill out the application and I couldn't disclose to the agent that part but I had to creatively tell him that the problem was not us. he was nice. The clients were crazy.

And there is no one on the internet to talk too or hear from about their experience in DC.

I wish I could go to work as a social worker and redesign the process. Or at least train the parents for what to expect.

When is this week going to be over

OK - I know that my anxiety is starting to get out of control but come on it's been almost four weeks. They called on December 13 and told us we were selected and we would receive an email that day. I know then it was Christmas and New Years but Christmas was over a week ago. This process is unreal. Do they realize they are playing with my childrens' lives?

I gave in and called her.

She just came back yesterday from the holidays. Over the holidays she has received green light to proceed (I didn't know we where waiting for another green light).
She just received the paperwork and is scheduling the dates now. She believes she has everyone's email address except for the therapist. Asked if we have any dates in Jauary that we are not available. I asked if we will get visitation information at the next meeting and she said that (2 days later) we would map out the schedule beginning with 1 and 2 hour visits at the office then days and then weekends. That the boys have to live in home for 6 months and but we can file the adoption petition (does that mean we need our own lawyer).

The bad part about this part of the process is that we don't have any idea what the next step is. The class doesn't cover adoption at all only foster care.

This just takes so long and the silence is maddening.

I wonder how many people give up on social services.

I guess now I can keep waiting for the email that has taken 4 weeks to come.

Another day and nothing

Well another day has passed and nothing has been said. At least when you are pregnanat you actually have with you even if you can't hold it.

I am feeling a little blue today about not being pregnant. I really wanted to feel the life being created inside me. I know I will love my boys as much as if they had come from me but I always dreamed of feeling a life growing inside me.

I am trying to feel the time with adjusting my schedule. I want to exercise at least three times a week at the gym taking a class.

I am pretty sure I can get in Saturday - Zumba and Suday something. Then I will try for something during the week depending on the aftercare schedule.

When will they call?!!!

Holidays are over

The last two weeks were the longest I have ever spent. Hearing nothing and nothing to ask. Now at 1:37 pm I sent a nice little don't forget I am here note. I know they are busy but shoot this is way worse than NACA's system. I never made people have to wait two weeks to here from me if they sent in their information. I called even just to say I got the information. Most of the time I agreed that it was taking to long.

This system seems to be more that fact that they have too many other duties because they certainly are that busy just doing adoptions. At least not according to the numbers. You want to say don't start a new adoption untill you finish mine. I didn't put down someone's file until I had done all I could in the file and could report who and what I was waiting for and when I had made the request.

I am just excited. I want my boys home.