on the road to IVF

According to Dr. B and staff IVF will cost $9400 + this and that. It looks like we will need close to 15K without the meds. Hopefully we can get the meds with a little discount. T was able to get a loan for $6625 I have a tax return for 4500 and there is 2500 on myflex card benefits. The other 1350 I xan save between now and July at $500 a paycheck or so.

Of course it would be wonderful to find out that we don't need it and get pregnant Naturally.

The diet is so hard down here in NC. I try but there is nothing else to do but eat here and nothing good to eat no matter how hard I try. I will keep trying.

Denise said she will help me when we get back and I can't wait. I did loose 3 last week that was good just need to keep it up.

Loosing for the IVF

I am starting to come to terms with the fact that we will have to go through IVF. I am actually a little more comfortable with it. Now hopefully the money is still available to Tony and we can get it started. I am trying desperately to loose as much as possible by the end of June. I may reevaluate the date at some point. Dr. B wants us to get started as soon as we are ready in dealing with my age. I just want him to order the meds. One of my friends on the blogs has gotten pregnant with an IVF trial. I am very happy for her especially since she didn't have to pay for the procedure. I know we may only have one chance at this and I really hope it works.

not trying and still not happy

We weren't trying and we didn't get pregnant again. I am so sad. It is really hard to lift up from this. Why am I expected to just keep it on high all the time. I try but I just can't keep smiling when I am failing on the inside.

I always thought that if I could find my husband then the rest of my life would just play through. Instead I feel like I bringing more pain into Tony's life. He doesn't deserve this.

I feel like I have been crying for an entire year. This year in ways has been worst than the years after Eric. Then it has also been the best year because of Tony.

Hopefully the scale will keep those 3 pounds off (maybe two more) by Saturday.

I just feel awful.

Finally some good sleep

Yesterday I was so tired I was dragging. By three pm I called DH and explained that I really needed to miss bible study and go to sleep. I went to sleep at 8:30 pm. The come down part from getting home fixing dinner to sleep was so needed. I feel so much better. Almost that I can say I was in danger health wise from need of sleep.

I was able to wake up at 5 - 530 and take the Dogs for a walk without feeling like I would fall asleep as I was walking. Can't wait to go back to sleep tonight.

amazing how much sleep I need

Since I had the accupunture I feel like sleep is the greatest item in the world. Today I would pay for a closet to just be still in. My wonderful husbands libido is so off right now. First of all we are suppose to be on a two - three months break of activily trying for a baby. To me that means figuring when we should be fertile and not having sex during that window. Well this month that seemed to work ok because we were at my parents house. Low and behold on Saturday a little tease turned into some great sex. I didn't think we would have that time since he didn't take the "helper", he said that the excitement of sneaking around was just so great for him. The whole experience was great for me also. Overall we are probably safe as I felt the ovulation cramps the day prior but the egg could have just been hanging around. I used the ovulation test when we got home sunday night and the line was still strong. Not as dark as the control line but only by a little bit.

Then last night we tried some more fun with out the helped and for a minute it seemed to be working but he couldn't finish it out. He then got the helper and finished it out at 5 am this morning. Now I am tired as all get o ut.

I wonder if he just isnt in to me. He says that is not it. Another factor into saturday was that we went by a "classy" adult entertainment store. He loved everything in the store.

Guess I better let Dewit (acupunturist)know what happened. Can't wait to get there. I know I am going to sleep for my hour. Tired so tired and work is boring.