We weren't trying and we didn't get pregnant again. I am so sad. It is really hard to lift up from this. Why am I expected to just keep it on high all the time. I try but I just can't keep smiling when I am failing on the inside.
I always thought that if I could find my husband then the rest of my life would just play through. Instead I feel like I bringing more pain into Tony's life. He doesn't deserve this.
I feel like I have been crying for an entire year. This year in ways has been worst than the years after Eric. Then it has also been the best year because of Tony.
Hopefully the scale will keep those 3 pounds off (maybe two more) by Saturday.
I just feel awful.
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