Who do I go to argue that this can't be happening? I feel like I am being punished. Don't even try to tell me of someone in worst shape, there is always someone suffering more than another. I just want my baby. Just one. I have never wanted anything more than my husband and my baby. It took forever to find my husband and yes I had over given up and accepted that it wasn't going to happen. At least I also felt that I really hadn't met anyone I knew would treat me the way I wanted to be treated. Then I met Tony. He was so different. He put me first. He wanted to do for our family. Immediately I knew he was my husband and the father I wanted for my baby. Other guys gave me the "well at least my baby will be cute" but I never looked at anyone (in my adult life) and knew this was my family and baby's daddy. Ok so maybe it has been that long since we have been trying but shoot it wasn't suppose to be this hard.
At this point we have gone through working with one doctor (waste of time and I knew it) iui. Then a break as we switched doctors. Next iui which revealed that the fibroids where in the way. Remove the fibroids. 4 weeks out of work. 2 weeks of real pain. IUI number 3. All the signs were fabulous. I responded with 5 eggs. FIVE. Do you have any idea how much pain is involved in producing FIVE EGGS. Tony did great and we had a 20 mil count- from the man who produced only 1 mill at our first appointment. Progesterone was through the roof at 33.7.
Nausea, Acne, Rash, dizzy feeling I had it all and I loved it. Then it is all over. I don' t even get to test and I now I have to start over again.
Tony saids "Thank you Jesus" we will make it through. I want this for him as much as I want it for me and I never thought that would happen. I always thought of my baby as mine but I want our baby for us. I want to take the picture. I want to go to church with our baby. I want to tell him to find a younger woman to have a baby with but I don't trust anyone to take care of him the way I know I can. I want my baby to know my mom and dad. He already will have missed his paternal family.
OK - I know he is comming. In God's time not mine. I still believe that it took all these years of failed relationships for me to learn to love and appreciate a good man like Tony. Well each cycle is equal 10 years of life. This baby will be so loved and his life raised with God first, Family, and Education.
Did I also mention that I have had to go through 4 people in my circle (2 work 2 family) having babies. I can't tell you the last time someone I know had a baby and now when I want one their popping out of the woodwork. Put on your happy face Stephanie !!
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