It's been a rough couple of weeks. Frankly the last year. The last month I wake up in tears. Feeling bad was feeling normal. I found myself putting myself down in front of people all the time. Work is horrible as they keep making comments about models and the face of the conference. I feel like I just don't belong.
Now I am changing my attitude. I am changing my accupuncturis more due to logistics. Dewitt's office has closed and the new office and it's hours would require me to take off work half a day. That just won't work. I am going to another woman near here same price and she has great reviews. I am also looking into a new RE for a procedure we actually can afford. In the mean time I am working on my weight. I went to a class last night and I felt better than I have in a long time. More like me. I can't wait to go tonight. They were very nice.
Had a good long talk with my cousin T. She had IVF and she is an OBGYN. She s tressed the weight and generally made me feel better.
I really needed that.
Depression is toxic. This one was really different. It really didn't feel right to not feel sad. I almost felt like if people caught me smiling I was wrong. And don't give me a compliment which would be really hard to do I couldn't accept that at all.
It's not over but I feel like I am trying to get out of this whole with the dirt piled on.
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